I knew it was vain, if not blasphemy, to beg her to rise from her throne for me. But was she so powerful that she could give some miraculous strength over the miles?
"How will I return to you?" I prayed. "How will I ever fulfill again my duties if I am not healed?"
The silence of the golden room answered. It was as cold as the shrine in the mountains. I imagined I could feel the snow of the Alps on my burnt flesh.
But slowly the horror sunk in.
I think I gave a soft, sad little laugh.
"I can't reach you," I said, "not without assistance, and how can I obtain that assistance unless I forsake the secret of what I am? Unless I forsake the secret of the Chapel of Those Who Must Be Kept?"
At last I climbed to my knees and struggled up the stone stairs very slowly; and painfully, I managed to stand, and with the Mind Gift, fasten the bronze door.
Safety, that was important, very important. I must survive this, I thought. I must not despair.
Then collapsing again and crawling down the stairs to the golden chamber, in the manner of something loathsome and lurid, I pushed doggedly against the lid of my coffin until it was open sufficiently for me to go to my rest.
Never had I known such injury, never had I known such pain.
A monstrous humiliation was mingled with the torture. Oh, there was so much I had not known about existence, so much I had not understood about life.
Soon the cries of the boys were gone from my ears, no matter how keenly I listened. The boat had carried them over the waters.
But I could still hear Bianca.
Bianca wept.
In misery and pain, my mind searched Venice.
"Raymond Gallant, member of the Talamasca," I whispered, "I need you now. Raymond Gallant, pray you haven't left Venice. Raymond
Gallant of the Talamasca, please hear my prayers. "
I could find no trace of him, but who knew what had happened to my powers? Perhaps all had dwindled. I could not even remember clearly his room or where it had been.
But why did I hope to find him? Had I not told him to leave the Veneto? Had I not impressed upon him that he must leave? Of course he had done as I had told him to do. No doubt he was miles beyond the point where he might hear my call.
Nevertheless I continued to say his name over and over as if it were a prayer.
"Raymond Gallant of the Talamasca, I need you. I need you now. "
Finally, the approaching dawn brought a frigid relief to me. The roaring pain subsided slowly and my dreams began as they will do if I sleep before the rise of the sun.
In my dreams, I saw Bianca. She had her servants about her, and they comforted her, and she said:
"They are dead, both of them, I know it. They have died in the fire. "
''No, my sweet one," I said. With all the power of the Mind Gift I called to her:
Bianca, Amadeo is gone, but I live. Do not fear me when you set eyes upon me, for I am badly burnt. But I live.
In the eyes of the others, I saw a mirror of her as she stopped and turned away from them. I saw her rise from her chair and move towards the window. I saw her open it and peer out into the dampness at the approaching light.
Tonight, when the sun sets, I will call to you. Bianca. I am a monster now in my own eyes and will be a monster in yours. But I will endure this suffering. I will call to you. Don't be afraid.
"Marius," she said. The mortals who gathered around her heard her speak my name.
But the sleep of the morning had come over me. I couldn't resist it. The pain was at last gone.