At last I settled near to her, and I began to speak words I never thought I would hear myself utter
"You must be the strong one, Bianca," I said, "you must lead us. I haven't the strength for two just now and that is what you are demanding of me. I am ruined inside. I am ruined. No, wait, don't interrupt what I mean to say. And don't shed tears. Listen to me. You must give to me your small reserve of strength for I require it. I have powers quite beyond your imagining. But those powers I cannot reach just now. And until I can reach them, you must lead us forward. Lead us with your thirst and lead us with your wonder, for surely in this state you do see things as never before and you are filled with that wonder. "
She nodded her head. Her eyes grew colder and more beautifully calm.
"Don't you see?" I asked. "If you can only come with me through these few nights, you do indeed have immortality?"
She closed her eyes and moaned. "Oh, I love the very sound of your voice," she said, "but I am afraid. In the coffin in the dark when I awoke, it all seemed a poisoned dream, and I fear what they may do to us if they discover what we are, if we fall into their hands, and if. . . if. . . "
''Yes, if?"
"If you cannot protect me. "
"Ah, yes, if I cannot protect you. "
I fell into a silence, sitting there.
Again, it did not seem possible that this had happened to me. My soul was burnt. My spirit was burnt. My will was scarred and my happiness ruined.
I remembered the very first ball, the ball which Bianca had given at our house, and I remembered the dancing and the tables with their golden platters of fruit and spiced meats, the smell of the wine, and the sound of the music, and the many rooms so filled with contented souls, and the paintings looming over all, and it did not seem possible that anyone could bring me down from that when I was so firmly placed in the realm of unsuspecting mortals.
Oh, Santino, I thought, how I do hate you. How I do despise you.
I pictured him again as he had come to me in Rome. I pictured him in his black robes smelling of the earth, his black hair rather vainly clean and long, and his face so very expressive with its large dark eyes, and I hated him.
Would I ever, I thought, have the chance to destroy him? Oh, surely there would come a time when he was not surrounded by so many numbers, when I might have him firmly in my hands and with the Fire Gift make him pay for what he'd done to me.
And Amadeo, where was my Amadeo, and where were my boys who had been so brutally yet carefully taken? I saw again my poor Vincenzo murdered on the floor.
"Marius, my Marius," Bianca said suddenly. "Please, don't sit in such quiet with me. " She reached out, her hand pale and fluttering, not daring to touch me. "I am sorry for being so weak. Believe me, I am. What is it that makes you so silent?"
"Nothing, my darling, only the thoughts of my enemy, the one who brought those brandishing the fire, those who destroyed me. "
"But you're not destroyed," she said, "and I will somehow get the strength. "
"No, stay here for now," I said. "You have done enough. And your poor gondolier, he gave his life for me last night. You stay here now until I return. "
She shuddered and reached out as if to take hold of me.
I forced her to remain at a distance.
"You cannot embrace what I am just yet. But I will go out and I will hunt until I am strong enough to take you from this place and to one that is safe and one where I will be healed completely. "
I closed my eyes, though of course she could not see it on account of the mask, and I thought of Those Who Must Be Kept.
My Queen, I pray to you, and I am coming and when I do you will give me the Blood, I thought, but could you not have given me
one small vision of warning?
Oh, I had not even thought of this before and now it exploded in my mind. Yes, from her distant throne she could have done it, she could have warned me, could she not?
But how could I ask such a thing from one who for a thousand years had not moved or spoken? Would I never learn?
But what of Bianca who was trembling and begging me to pay attention to her now? I waked from my sleep.
"No, we'll do it as you wanted, I'll go with you," she said piteously. "I'm sorry I was weak. I promised you I would be as strong as Amadeo. I want to be. I'm ready now to go with you. "
"No, you aren't," I responded. "You're only more afraid of being left here alone than you are of going. You're afraid that if you stay behind I'll never come back to you. "