First

The light changes to green and I drive slowly away from the intersection. These roads are familiar but I’m still lost.

You need to go home, the responsible side of me warns.

I can’t go home. Home means putting on a good face for Cat, pretending everything’s okay, and swallowing down the scream that wants to claw its way out of my throat.

You have nowhere else to go.

I could park down at the beach. Listen to the waves and watch the moonlight turning them silver.

Until the cops stop by your truck and try to find out why you’re sitting there like some kind of creep.

God, when did I become such a coward?

Funny, didn’t Maya just ask me the same thing? No, not asked. Accused me of it. Her brown eyes flashing, an expression of superiority twisting the corners of her lips. You’re too scared to go out and grab life by the balls, she’d said.

I know what I need to do. I turn at the next light, finally decided on where I’m going. She’s right. I do need to lose control. And there’s only one person I trust enough to be around when that happens.

***

Pounding wakens me. It takes me a while to drag myself from the strange dream I was having. Something about Jake and I at the station, but it was burning down around us. I kept trying to warn him only to have him kiss me until I shut up. I don’t remember if the flames reached us or not—

The noise stops for a brief moment of peace before picking up again. Brain starting to work like it should, I realise it’s coming from my door, not my party-happy neighbours’ door. I crawl out of bed and snag my robe from the back of a chair. The dark night sky lurks behind the curtain of my window. Who the hell would be knocking on my door at this godforsaken hour?

I turn on a lamp as I pass through the living room, although its dim light only outlines the shapes of my furniture. Turning on the other lights can wait unt

il I figure out who’s at my door. I glance through the peephole. The sight greeting my eyes can’t be real.

‘Jake?’ I ask as I pull open the door.

He stands there, backlit by the hall’s lights, body tight, head lowered, exhaustion written in every line of his face. I tighten the tie of my robe. ‘You shouldn’t be here.’

‘Really?’ His voice is raspy from the smoke, but the annoyed incredulity remains. ‘I show up on your doorstep and that’s the first thing you say to me?’

I flush. ‘Yes.’

‘Woman, you have a way with words.’

I bristle. ‘I’m sorry I didn’t assume you’d stop here first instead of going home to see your sister, who’s terrified you’re hurt. You don’t have to make fun of me.’

‘I wasn’t.’

‘You were!’

He makes a noise between a sigh and a growl and rubs a hand over his head. ‘I already talked to Cat.’

‘You did?’

‘Yeah.’

Well, that kills my self-righteous indignation. Stalemate. Eventually, I ask, ‘Why are you even here?’

‘You were right.’

‘Huh?’

‘Earlier at the station. You said someday my control would snap. That’s why I couldn’t go home. That’s why I’m standing here.’

My mouth goes dry. ‘Jake—’