Me and Hunter.
Inconceivable and yet inevitable it would seem. No matter how many times I said it to myself it sounded both wrong and right. All these years of playful banter and history finally culminated in this… a deep wanting and a boundary we were terrified to cross. My own heart was strung taut across a tight rope, the fall tempting. Hindsight was always twenty-twenty, I supposed, as my feelings circled back to dizzy, strange, and on the verge of hyperventilating with all my dreams coming true at lightning speed.
“Hmm, usually there’s touching to start.” Hunter stood still and patient. I nodded unsure how to explain what he was about to discover. The gift I hadn’t meant to save, but knew belonged to on one else but him.
Standing this close to him, I’d never noticed how tall my best friend was until I was our chests were almost touching. My arms wouldn’t reach around him, but they didn’t have to because I knew he’d pick me up and carry me the rest of the way when the time was right.
“I know that.” Tensing my foot came close to stomping and Hunter chuckled. This all started when he finally put his mouth on mine and now I wanted more despite the frustration he left me in.
“Just trying to be helpful, sweetheart.” And he was helpful, oh so helpful. I was the one completely out of sorts now that we were finally here at the impasse. His fingers rubbed a lock of my hair between his callused digits. I didn’t feel anything except locks of my long hair slipping through his grasp, a soft sound following. He tugged on it enough to make me step forward closer to him, flush against his chest that took a steadying breath, as shaky as my own.
“Any place you suggest?” My arms hung limply at my sides and my palms filled with slick sweat. My nerve endings were hypersensitive to the movement of air between us. What if this didn’t work out? What if it felt wrong? What if it felt right? What if he thought my hands were gross and slimy? My head ran straight to the negative, I couldn’t focus on the fact he was he here in front of me.
He tipped my chin up to look into his eyes, eyes that already knew my imperfections and faults. “Hey, you with me here?”
I was definitely overthinking this.
“What?”
“You’re a million miles away.” His eyes searched my face as his tender touch grounded me.
Technically I was light years away and running scared.
“Then pull me back. This is where I want to be, I just never thought we’d ever get there.” The past came rushing back and all of a sudden I was that emotional fourteen-year-old girl, thinking about him for the first time in a way other than friendly.
“We start here.” A deep breath in and out, Hunter placed my hand on his chest over his heart. The beats pulsed through thin cotton, my fingers tingling as I touched his clothed chest.
I closed my eyes savoring this connection between us. I remembered him playing football, the boys teamed up as shirts and skins. Hunter bare chested, a hundred yards away on a football field felt like miles in this moment. My hand opened, fingers contracting and expanding. I placed my palm fully over his heart. How could an organ be so powerful yet tender beneath strong muscles and bone? Hunter’s jaw tightened and his eyes followed my every breath and move. Skittish energy zapped me standing under his scrutiny.
“Always so warm.” Heat changed to a flame of desire pooling in my lower belly.
Chuckling, Hunters responded, “And here I thought you were the warm one.” Wrapping his arms around me, he pulled me in closer. A hand tangled in my hair. I didn’t know it could feel this way, so good and so right. I was equal parts mad we hadn’t done this before and hurt that I’d possibly missed out on years of this with my best friend.
“Why did we wait?” Surprising myself, I asked the question that had been lying heavily on my mind.
“I think because it never occurred to us before that we could. At least not once we got so close. I mean, heck, we talked about our firsts with each other and went to prom to avoid the awkward dates and expectations.”
“You mean, you talked about your firsts.” I mumbled between excited breaths.
“Of course we did.”
“No. You did.” I corrected him. Hunter needed to know the distinct difference in my mind. “Of course I heard it first from Becky and that girl in my home economics class. What was her name?”
Hunter linked his hands with mine pulling me with him. “She was a foreign exchange student.”
“You kept seeing her the entire year.” I complained and teased.
“Damien was seeing her sister. They hung out at the house a lot and she kept taking her clo
thes off.”
“Uh-huh, likely story. Would it have worked if I took my clothes off back then?”
His lips pursed thinking. “No. I would have pushed you away.”
“I think that’s when I kind of gave up hope that you’d ever see me that way.”
“I couldn’t see you that way, not back then. I wasn’t ready.”