Heartburn (Love By Design 3)

“Help us! Please, my roomie is missing and never came back to camp.” The blond girl wearing a blue sweatshirt from our local university screeched, the sound akin to nails on a chalkboard affirming that my night was about to get not exactly interesting, but more of the pain in the ass variety.

My stomach grumbled, the Thai place was open until nine, I had fleeting hope this was nothing serious. I would have preferred quiet and a bottle of beer from Easton’s private brew to go with my dinner, but I doubted I would get home in time to watch the last episode of Game of Thrones based on her wailing. At this point, I’d order a pizza and watch the Red Wedding episode all over again. Her outburst was one solid reason in the column of why I was currently single.

It wasn’t like I had anyone to call right now unless Callista from the health food store texted me later. Although, the idea of having to drink a green cleansing smoothie before sex and listen to drum beats in perfect thrusting harmony for a tantric orgasm lost its appeal. There was only so much organic quinoa I could take before my head and body went on full revolt demanding squirt-able cheese from a can to set things back to rights. Callista might have been wild in the sack, but a pain in the ass to extricate from my house with her burning sage before we got down to business the handful of times I gave in to my baser needs. I didn’t need help in the virility department or the cleansing kind that kept me on the toilet for a solid six hours.

“Dude, she’s been gone like twelve hours.” The dark-haired jock threw his hands up, pacing the station refocusing me on their conversation. He looked familiar but I couldn’t place his face and I dropped it for more important info like what happened to their flighty friend.

The sun set through the park office windows, a mixture of brilliant yellows and reds against dark pines and craggy rocks. I had been thinking this morning, that early fall in the Shawnagunk and lower Adirondack mountains could be beautiful and mild, or take a turn for the cold in a snap. We didn’t have snow in the forecast, maybe some rain though, and I hoped their friend was sharper than these four nitwits who were keeping me from a nice dinner at home. Geez I sounded like a walking advertisement for AARP at the end of my shift.

“Conner, you idiot, she left around three pm and never came back. That’s like three hours.” The large blond kid, another football player, seemed calmer and concerned in a reasonable fashion, unlike Ms. Panic-pants and the two high-as-a-kite twins. Right there folks, that’s our stunning bright future getting prepared to take shit over.

“I hope nothing tried to eat her.” The last one, also dark like his tweedle-dumb friend, was reading up on the local wildlife poster board pointing to a picture containing a bear and wolf species common to the area. It basically warned hikers and park visitors to not leave out food and to be cautious. We hadn’t experienced an aggressive bear in a good long while and when I went out on foot I carried my shotgun with rubber buckshot, just in case. The bear might have been doing us a favor if he decided to come back though. A bit of Darwinism was fine by me. As for the wolves, they preferred the chickens from the local farms when possible.

“Oh my God, the animals!” Blonde girl was all over that statement like white on rice grabbing for the jock.

“Whoa! Hold up, what’s going on?” I held my hand up to silence them. “One at time, please.” I pointed to the blond giant, who seemed the most reasonable of the bunch and that was making a lot of assumptions. “Actually, you speak and the rest of you take a seat….”

“Our friend, Amelia, walked off earlier today. It’s getting dark and she’s not back yet. We got worried. I thought maybe she hiked out from our camping spot and came here to hitch a ride back to campus.” Blond jock and blonde girl appeared to be a hot little item clinging together while the other two seemed like they were along for the ride and harmless enough. I couldn’t tell if there was more to this story or not, but my suspicions were raised along with the distinct smell of marijuana coming from the twins of stupidity.

“Camping spot, eh?” I turned to look at Jeff who narrowed his eyes and grabbed the book of reservations for the only open spots possible in the park this time of year. He slid it across the counter to me and I picked it up thumbing through it.

“Uh, yeah by the lake…” he said.

Too bad he was dumb enough to tell me they were inside the park most likely camping illegally without a permit. I held up my hand to pause him and opened the camping roster of permit sites registered.

“Registered name for the site?” He looked paler and yeah, I knew they weren’t supposed to be here. Man, my fingers were itching to handwrite some citations.

“We don’t have one.” Tweedle-dumbass piped up from the back as everyone shot him a dirty look. Moronic and honest, I’d take what I could huffing out my frustration.

“So you’re all illegally camping inside the park too?” They hung their heads down and I knew my one reasonably early night home was shot to hell. “Fantastic.” I muttered. So much for watching Jon Snow and the closest thing to political intrigue I could stomach. “Any idea where she was last time you saw her?” I almost regretted hearing their answer.

“We walked out on the black trail for a mile, near Lake Awosting, but didn’t see her. I know she’s only been gone for three hours or so, but she doesn’t have her backpack with her or anything else.”

“The forecast is calling for rain.” I hoped this girl was not as dense as her friends here, but it was doubtful. These kids looked a little too pampered to be left outside after dark. I regarded these spoiled kids as the type to be glamping rather than using real life survival skills. At the least, I should have given them a citation for illegally camping. Chances were I would regret giving them a break.

“What’s your name?”

“Ryder West, sir.” Ryder looked like a smart kid, actually not a heck of a lot younger than I was which left me with a strange feeling I couldn’t identify. I graduated a few years earlier after a brief stint in the army and forestry school before coming home to settle in the area. Right about now the job opening in Yellowstone seemed better and better. I might actually not mind chasing tourists with cameras and selfie sticks out from the geysers hot spots.

“All right, I’ll head out and see if I can find her, but honestly getting separated was the dumbest thing you guys could have done. Give me all of her information, what she was wearing and what direction you think she headed in.”

Lucky me they all chimed in at once.

Ryder: She was wearing purple.

Dummy number one: Not all purple. She’s kind of a Goth chic.

Dummy number two: Her hair is purple.

The girl: And skinny black jeans with black hiking boots. Totally cute outfit, but not my type.

Dummy number one: Yeah, but she’s all into witch shit isn’t she? That’s Goth.

The girl: No, she just likes candles. She doesn’t pray to Cthulhu or anything.

Dummy number two: I’ve heard that Cthulhu shit is hard core.

Dummy number one: What the hell is a Cthulhu?