“Oh for fuck’s sake I don’t want to hear about this.”
I was pretty sure none of us wanted to hear it, but I felt the need to point out that Damien shouldn’t be mad at our friend for something he didn’t even do. Plus, if Kristen wasn’t going to tell him we probably shouldn’t get involved in the petty argument anyway.
“Hear about what?” Winnie piped in looking around the room, her arms laden with flowers, candy, and coffee I desperately wanted. Scratch that, I was desperate for Lia, but she wasn’t here right now, and that made me moody. Winnie was Chase’s girlfriend and another newcomer to our happy little group.
“Nothing.” Everyone in the room echoed. Right, because why would we ever clear the air about something that Damien had been
holding a grudge about for the last decade or so? Oh well.
“Uh huh, you guys realize you’re all terrible liars, right?” Winnie smirked poking Chase in the stomach. He grabbed her, but she dodged him.
“It’s nothing Win. Just us guys being jackasses.” Hunter took the stuff from her arms before she dropped it letting Chase hug her tightly.
“Well that’s a given.” Kristen popped back in tackling Damien as Taylor wrapped herself around Hunter. Six of my best friends, two happy couples and one semi-happy-only-kill-on-Mondays-couple. The former being something I definitely wanted for myself.
“Come here you.” I called over to Lia who shyly moved into the room. This ordeal was proving to show me parts of myself and Lia that maybe I had taken for granted. Nothing was forever and even the tallest of trees in the forest had the potential to fall.
“Dude if you’re going to start praying I might get struck by lightning in here.” Damien quipped and Kristen elbowed him.
Hunter snorted, “I’ll take bets on that.”
“Not praying, I’m just extremely grateful to have all of you in my life.”
“Aw gawd, cue the water works.” Chase tossed his hand up dismissing me and I shrugged. Far be it for me to call out the biggest mush out of all of us, Chase Calloway always called me to hang out for a beer when he had to put an animal down. I never saw him cry, but the quite stoic way we would sit in the bar drinking a single beer told me how much those things affected him. We were all only human.
“Hey, I can be comfortable in my masculinity.” We all laughed and even though my chest burned it felt good to be surrounded by friends like this, the hollow ache in my chest was filled by a woman I cared deeply about. I nudged Lia closer wondering how I make her feel better about this, whatever it was that kept holding her back from me.
“Alright people, get off my floor. Visiting hours are over.” Mean nurse came back in ushering the group out.
She pointed at Lia and I hugged her closer to me not wanting her to go. “Except her. She can stay. I like her.”
Everyone filed out and I mouthed to the nurse, thank you. She winked back at me and closed the door behind everyone leaving us blissfully, and finally alone.
29
Lia
The fire on the mountain scared the life out of me. Whit’s been home for over a week, but I can’t seem to leave his side even though I accused him on more than one occasion of smothering me. I know I can’t help doing it myself. I kept seeing the smoke and orange glow in my dreams and it woke me up more nights than I care to recall in a week’s span since he’s been back home recuperating. Whit seemed to catch on and didn’t force me to talk about it except when he pulled out his nebulizer and had to do his breathing exercises which helped clear his airways from the smoke inhalation. Those were the awkward times I tried to find something to occupy myself with. I couldn’t take watching him struggle for his next breath clearing out his airway wondering if breathing was truly getting easier for him like he promised me. I could only fold so much laundry or walk around the yard ignoring the truth of my feelings.
“I’m going to grill up some chicken. You want a salad or something with it?” He called out back where I was currently sitting on the porch looking at the ridge of mountains. I would have made dinner but we quickly learned I was not the best in the kitchen and it gave him something to do.
“Sure.” I said not taking my eye off the horizon. I took my phone out of my pocket and used the camera function to zoom in. Nothing except the glow of the setting sun piercing through trees. No fire and I heaved a deep breath or relief.
My thoughts drifted to the last conversation I had with Ryder and his dumb friends. My gut kept clenching and I suspected they could have had something to do with the fire. I don’t have any proof. For all I knew, they could have been somewhere else entirely or it could have been a stupid accident, but one that nearly cost Whit his life. I couldn’t begin to imagine what life would be like without him in mine and my hands shook contemplating it.
“You okay, babe?” Whit came outside with a tray of meat and sliced peppers, onions, and mushrooms he left on the grill tray.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” I looked over the picture on my phone. Whit sat down and removed my phone placing it on a side table as he situated my legs over his lap.
“You keep saying that, but I have a hard time believing you.” He prodded.
“I keep thinking about it. I try not to, but then I see something like the sun setting tonight and the color is the same, and then I spiral right back to that day and I’m honestly freaked out by it.”
Whit started to massage my calves pressing down on the tight muscles. I relaxed into the outdoor sofa. His touch wasn’t sexual or even playful. It’s reassuring and stable. I know what he’s trying to do and I’m trying my best to let him do it, but the comfort mixes with how I feel about him and I lose my mind bursting into completely irrational tears.
“Hey, hey, come on now.” Whit shifted next to me pulling me closer and holding me against his chest. I’m angry. Hurt. Sad. Confused.
“I’m sorry.” I murmured over and over again pushing him off me. “I think my period is starting.” I wiped the tears off my face and moved to stand.