“Is this to punish him? Get back at him for trying to move on?”
“Has he? Has he moved on?” I asked unable to mask the cramp in my stomach from hurting him.
David huffed clearly done with this conversation.
I could have told him that boy-wonder was the one who summoned me back with legal documents and the kind of money that if I was careful could last me a very long time, but I wasn’t going to out him, yet. Andy had and agenda and I needed to know that that was.
“I may not be able to forgive you for what you did to him because he’s my brother, but if you can’t forgive yourself for what you did nothing is ever going to change.”
When did David become the miserly group therapist? I recalled a time when he barely spoke, now it was like he couldn’t shut up and I squeezed my eyes shut hoping to block him out.
It didn’t work. He was still there. Still annoying. Still David.
“You’re right.” I said meeting David’s wide eyes as if my confession had sparked something, he hadn’t thought possible. The very forgiveness he wasn’t sure he could give me and I didn’t expect. He grunted and I supposed that was all he was going to say on that matter.
“How do you even know if you’re worthy of forgiveness?” I asked.
David rapped his knuckles on the table drawing my attention. “It’s not a question of being worthy. It’s about trying to do better each day you’re given.” I watched him walk out contemplating his words. This wasn’t a free pass by any means, but it looked like one member of the Easton family hadn’t completely written me off.
A few minutes passed when a group of girls I recognized entered the shop with the door bells clanging and laughing about something. I sunk deeper into the plush velvet chair hiding behind the menu praying they would order and leave. I hadn’t interacted with Taylor Bryant and Kristen Calloway since high school. Even then we weren’t particularly close because I didn’t hang in their tightknit social circle. I did better hanging out with the guys as I struggled to form genuine female relationships… and there was that small issue of giving Kristen’s boyfriend, Damien a lap dance last time I saw him at their group bachelor party in Vegas.
The awkwardness was heavy, suffocating and while I generally didn’t give a damn what people thought of me, I also knew that coming back here I would have to try. That’s what Emmett encouraged me to do. To try. I hated when he was right. I had to let go of my abrasive wall and be open to the people who were forgiving and let go of the ones who weren’t.
“Oh hey, Sierra?” I peeked from behind the menu biting my lip. It was the blonde, Taylor speaking to me, a kind smile on her face. I had experience with those smiles twisting into something ugly, but I held back a caustic comment and waited. Part of starting over also required I tried coming at social interactions a little differently than in the past.
“You’re back, this is good. Really good. So good in fact that we should plan a girl’s night or something.” Kristen rambled and now I felt bad, or awkward, or something. It wasn’t guilt, maybe shame? I couldn’t put my finger on it, and didn’t want to give the thoughts more air time than necessary.
“Yup. I’m back.”
“I think a get together is a great idea.” Taylor beamed. There was a genuine likability about her. She carried herself confidently which matched the rock on her finger and I wondered who she married.
“But not at the pub. Maybe somewhere else? Is that weird?” Kristen kept dodging the elephant in the room. I wanted to head it off at the pass, but here we were. The pub wasn’t exactly Switzerland for all of us and I could see in her eyes she was imagining me and her boyfriend. I should probably tell her that nothing happened because Damien was devoted to her even if he cleaned out his wallet of cash and gave it to me.
So, I tried to be more subtle.
“Only if we make it weird.” A collective breath filled the space and was released about the time another girl joined their twosome.
“Oh hey, sorry I’m late. You know how weirdly jealous Whit gets. Um, it’s lap dance girl.” She pointed at me and I had to give them credit for not rolling their eyes over her obvious blunder.
I stuck my hand out, “Hi. I’m Sierra.” The girl I don’t know who clearly knew me shook my hand. I saw the wheels turning and a blush stained her cheeks. She’s cute in a young way and I see why Whittaker likes her so much. I’d probably like her too if I swung that way. I’ve got enough problems to deal with though.
“So, what about a night in? My place. I’m sure we can kick Hunter out for the night. It might be nice to meet some new friends.” Taylor offered kindly. If she really knew me, she might rethink her invitation, but I’m appreciative and accept because Emmett’s voice gets louder in my head. You have to try and make peace with the past and forge a new future. Ugh, who knew my Amish lover would be such a pain in the ass from two hundred miles away.
“That sounds nice. Thank you.”
“Great, let’s exchange numbers and we can text the details.” We exchange the necessary information and the girls leave with their coffee. I’m not sure if I’ve been set up but for the moment it feels nice to have something to do other than sit in the cottage and count the unpainted wall studs.
10
Andy
Moonlight reflected off the gold chain nestled in the hollow of her neck. The clovers rested on her collarbones while a second chain unfamiliar to me slipped down between her breasts teasing at what laid beneath her dress.
“Andrew. I know we can’t go back. I don’t want to go back, but I don’t want things to be like this either.”
“Like how?” I asked her. We were oil and water so mixing us together was a moot point. I imagined that all we would ever be was a mess of browns and oily blacks so far from the pure and pretty hues of innocence.
“Hating each other.”