“Like that?” I laid into her pressing her deep into the mattress.
“Harder.” She grunted and I moved tilting my hips and grinding against her clit. If Sierra wanted to be punished, I was in the headspace to do it after all these years and no answer but the deafening silence that followed her abandonment.
We rocked our bodies in the tradition of a good old hate fucking and clawed each other closer thrust for thrust and skin slapping crescendo.
“Harder.” She screamed.
“You want it harder?” I growled. She nodded her head and I’d give her what she wanted this one time even if I woke up hating myself. This kind of fucking simply wasn’t who I was. I didn’t have crazy kinks to tie her up and spank her ass blistering red. I pulled out with enough force to make me wince and I flipped her over hauling her hips up. I slammed myself back inside and leveled myself by gripping her hands over her head and pounding into her until the bed slammed and rocked against the wall. The tenants in the building were likely to call the police for the racket going on in here. It couldn’t be helped, I had demons to exercise and Sierra begged for forgiveness I couldn’t give her. She needed to forgive herself in order to get there.
Her orgasm ripped through her body as I slapped her ass leaving a hot hand print across the pale flesh. I wanted to inflict damage if I was honest and letting my anger get out of check fit the bill. A few swats and my hand smarted giving her what she wanted, needed, and scared me in the process. This wasn’t who I am. I couldn’t do this every time. I wasn’t into this even if it was what got her off. We needed to find some common ground, somewhere in the middle where a compromise wouldn’t kill us both in the process.
“Oh god.” She moaned and I emptied into the condom pressing against her feeling it ooze out the corners and run down my legs. She always made me bust a nut.
“Fucking amazing, as if you never left in the first place.” I murmured into her hair kissing her temple. Her pussy clenched holding me tight and the contractions made me hard all over again.
11
Sierra
I said goodbye the only way I knew how, by running away. Andrew didn’t want me, heck; I didn’t want me in my own skin. For so long I had been paralyzed by my fear. Would I ever be good enough? Worthy? Deserving of some scrap of happiness?
No answers came but I always rounded back to how Andrew left me feeling.
He slept in the bed looking like a greyhound had run him over. Legs akimbo and hair wildly sticking in all directions. My heart felt full and I knew I had to leave him here, behind.
I slipped the gold chain off my neck, the promise ring he’d given me a decade earlier looked worn, the diamond chip cloudy from dirt lodged in the setting. I had carried this with me, my guilt, my burden. Andrew was right. In order to move forward I had to look ahead and leave it all behind. Even if I was leaving him behind a second time for good. I hoped the wounds had scarred over enough that it wouldn’t hurt nearly as much as it did then.
12
Andy
I looked up from the bed watching Sierra walk into the bathroom as I leaned up on my forearms. “Leaving so soon.” Her back stiffened and I knew she heard me.
“You’re awake.” Her voice didn’t inflect any surprise but I knew she had been hoping I was still asleep so she could make her getaway. Always good at running. Never good at staying.
“I’ve been awake since you left my bed a decade ago. This never ends well, firefly. Come here.” I said patting the bed and brooking no argument.
“We shouldn’t.”
“I know we shouldn’t do a lot of things, but we were never good at following the rules were we?” I smiled as she sat next to me on the bed. Her nails followed the abstract pattern of the bedding and I grabbed her hand to get her focus.
“No, we weren’t.” She hummed to herself, an annoying little sound that told me everything and nothing at all. Damn her for not giving me much to go on and damn me for letting her get away with it.
“Tell me.”
“What?” She shook.
“Tell me who helped put you back together. I’m wildly jealous it wasn’t me and I probably owe him a case of beer.”
“Why does it have to be a he?” She furrowed her brows. A small smile edged at the seam of her lips. Lips I cursed myself for wanting to kiss and taste and breathe and live in.
“Come on, you don’t even call Taylor or Kristen and they would have welcomed you with open arms.” I knew she didn’t get along with women in general. Call it a catty thing or maybe a hunch on my part.
“Andrew, let’s not do this.” I clasped her hand in mine watching her eyes dart to the paintings on the far wall attempting to ignore me.
“Not do what? Be real? Be honest? Be everything we should have been ten years ago? Sierra, I’m not mad if you had a thing with someone else in all this time. I just need to know I’m not going to wake up one morning and find you gone all over again because I’m fighting with the ghosts of our pasts.”
“Is this because I didn’t say goodbye? Wrap up our adolescent adventures in a neat little bow?” She sneered. Her defense was to go on the offense and I wasn’t getting sucked in to this game of hers.