“At least some of us have put the effort into growing up.”
“Fuck you, Andrew Easton.” I spat.
He leaned in a vicious snarl on his full lips, “Already been there princess and the ride is disappointing.”
My eyes narrowed with laser focus. “You son of a bitch.” Again, nothing but the bad and vile brewed between us.
“I wish I could have gone back and done it all over again. I would have never bothered to ask your name.”
I gasped. “What?”
Andy was saying he wished there had never been an us. My heart shattered.
“All these years and I can’t get free of you. A piece of paper, a deed to a property I never asked for and whatever secrets you’ve been keeping. I want to move on with my life and be happy again. I don’t even remember what happy is because you eat at my soul every day and in every woman’s eyes who have come since you.”
“Why do you harbor this hate then?”
“Because the one person I needed to talk to wasn’t here. You weren’t dead, you were gone and left me grieving something I couldn’t resolve.”
“I killed the relationship. That shouldn’t have been enough.”
Andy scoffed. We both knew I was full of shit.
“So that’s it then?”
Exhaustion was settling in deep in my body.
“Just go. Please.”
“I was there for you, all this time and this is… this is it then?”
“I didn’t need you to save me, Andrew. I needed you to walk by my side as I saved myself.” I said tears choking my every word.
“And how’d that work out for you so far?” He threw his arm up almost disgusted with. Hey, I was disgusted with myself but there was nothing left to be done. I watched my past lover, Andy walked away looking as tired as I felt. I let my knees sink to the ground folding underneath me. My knee caps pressed into the fertile dirt, my ankles pressed into my rump. The position was subservient but Andy wouldn’t have cared, he wouldn’t have wanted to see me that defeated despite his hate for me now.
I punched my hands into the ground, my fingers clawed the packed dirt and I lay my head down into the filth. That was where I belonged and if I had never dared to dream bigger or try to escape the reality none of this pain would be weighing my shoulders down now.
Andy was long gone now, likely back at the house, but I stayed. I rested my tired body into the ground praying for the pain to end around my bruised and broken shell of a heart. I stayed until the rains came and washed away the remnants of my sins drowning me.
16
Andy
The past that still hurts
“One, two, three, four…” I looked over at the girl sitting on the tree watching the dark cloud roll in over the field of grape vines. I had spent an hour earlier listening to her grandfather and my dad talk about grapes, wine, and beer for the upcoming food and wine festival in town. I walked away once they had ironed most of the details out. I had other things occupying my thoughts, the main one being this tiny mysterious girl
“What are you doing?” Her legs pumped the swing underneath her and her face smirked watching the clouds puff out thicker. We wouldn’t make it back to the house even if we left now.
“I’m counting the time between the…” The boom of thunder was strong enough I felt the rumble deep in my chest. She winced sliding off the swing and walking in my direction.
“Between the thunder and lightning?” I finished for her at her nod.
“Yes, I’m not a big fan of storms, even the pretty ones.” The sky stayed bright from the residual flash and the wind picked up carrying her long loose hair away from her face. Sierra Occho might not have been Helen of Troy but her Greek he
ritage made her seem like a goddess from ages ago.
“I am.” Our eyes met and I wanted her to read my mind. Sierra was a pretty storm. Raging and violent one minute and a quiet patter of rain on a windowsill clearing out the stale air for something fresh. Ducking her head she walked around me up the hill to the garden shed kept open. We were high enough that we could see into the rows of vines but far enough away that we were both specs to anyone looking for us from the old house on the other side of the property.