“Barely born and if your wife hears that language come out of your mouth you’re a dead man.” I take Ford from Hunter’s arms and let my son down holding his hand in mine. He pulls forward and I let go watching him lumber on his own toward a toy car on the floor.
“Ock ucker.” Ford utters between sucking his thumb and drooling.
“Oh wow. Kristen must love that.”
“Yeah well if his uncle wasn’t being a cocksucker all the time he’d hear it less.”
“That’s comforting to know.” We laughed trading blows in age old fake boxing moves when Hunter pulled me in for a rare hug.
“Bro, did you grow a vagina redecorating with TJ? I’m waiting for you to tell me you have cramps and start crying. I’m just getting married again.” Humor diffused the moment as Hunter let me go adjusting my bow tie.
“Nah, I just want to know how big I’m going to need to dig the hole when Kristen hears her son cursing.”
“Thanks.” I pushed him back and resumed fixing my bow tie wishing I’d grabbed a damn clip on instead when we hear a knock on the door.
“Daddy! Daddy!” Twin visions of trouble in what Kristen has told me a million times is blush pink taffeta tackle Hunter. Personally I’ll keep calling it salmon because it looks like fish innards and keep my man card safe.
“Emma and Nora!” My five year old daughter Alaina stomped her foot with her hands on her hips looking belligerently at her cousins who simply giggled dragging Hunter down with them.
“Honey, what’s a matter?” I kneeled down to her eye level and take in her tear streaked cheeks.
In a quiet voice she tugged on my arm commanding my attention as any five year old would do. “If you marry mommy again, who is going to marry me when I grow up?
“Oh honey, you’ve got a long way off before you’re going to get married.”
“I do?”
“Yeah, another good thirty years I’d say.”
“Chicken shhhh….” I look over at Hunter who is rolling on the ground with the kids calling me out.
“That’s a long time, maybe forever.”
“It goes by a lot faster when you don’t think too hard about it.”
“Do you think about it, Daddy?”
“Every day, little princess, every day.” Alaina huffed out loud and stomped her foot again giving me her mother’s expressive face only much younger. This girl was capable of slaying me worse than her mother. My heart was going to be in shreds before she ever got to high school.
“Life’s not fair, Daddy.” I tended to agree with her and if I could snapshot every tender moment between me and my kids... I’m a busy man just trying to catch them and time passes far too quickly that I choke up a lit
tle.
“No, it’s not baby girl.” Clearing my throat I shake it off because Hunter would love to go running with that tale about how I cried like a pussy on my second wedding day.
“That must be why it’s taking fooooreverrrrr!” She rolled her eyes dramatically and left the room looking for her mother. I’d consider locking her away in her bedroom if I didn’t think I’d get in trouble.
“Man…we are in so much trouble.” Hunter pulled me up from kneeling on the floor and goes to fix my tux, retying the shit bow I made, making sure everything is straight.
“Who said anything about we, dude? At least I’m not outnumbered in my own house.” Hunter smirks and that’s when I know he knows.
“Yet. You’re not outnumbered yet.” He said with that shit eating grin of his.
“You fucking cocksucker. You know? How do you already know? We barely know!” I grabbed him by the lapels and we faced off.
Ford chants from the floor. “Da-da-da-da! Ock ucker!” I never understood why some females felt the need to tell their tribe of girlfriends these things first.
“My wife will kick your ass if you give me a black eye before the ceremony.”