Opening the door, my best and only girlfriend pushes her way through. “Rough night, Edie?” Shelby hugs me tight and for a second too long. The open door makes me shiver and she pulls back to shut it, locking us inside. I guess Jack has schooled everyone on my new fear of open doors.
“Same as ever.” I shrug and motion her to follow me in. We walk into the kitchen and I find various breakfast items left out on the counter…bananas, cereal, coffee already brewing…
“Aww, Edie. He loves you. What happened scared the shit out of him.” As she looks around the kitchen, she turns to me, gently grabbing my hand. “Scared the shit out of Aiden and me, too.”
“Shell, it’s too much. I just… You know me. I just can’t.” Sullen, I sit on the stool, letting her pour us cups of coffee.
“Edie, I don’t think Jack knows any other way to be. I mean, he bought you the car to keep you safe, but also so you could come and go as you please.” Looking over my shoulder and out the window, I see my pretty little red car shining in the driveway. It’s sensible and perfect and so…Jack.
“I get that,” I grumble as she pushes the cup to me.
“Explain it to me, Edie. All I know is art. It’s like the color has been sucked out of you. I know you don’t really want to talk about it and I don’t want to force you, but I can see the change. It’s like life has left my best friend.” Shelby takes a sip of her coffee. “You’ve always been our sarcastic, serious Edith, but now… We don’t even know what we can or can’t say to you and it’s been weeks since that night.”
“Shell, I just don’t have the words to describe it. It’s like a switch flipped in my brain. Rationally, I know Daniel… Yes, I can say his name and not cringe. I know he didn’t rape me. Hell, he didn’t even come close, but something about his demeanor and the things he said just killed a part of me. I don’t even think I remember everything he said, it was so chaotic in the moment, but the dreams at night…” Shuddering, I try to shake it off, but I can’t. I want to feel alive, but I don’t. I want to breathe fresh air, but it smoothers me. Bad days outnumber good, and I can’t communicate what the fuck I’m feeling with the people most important to me.
“Look, have you considered maybe…” Shelby trails off. I wonder if she’s going to sugarcoat shit like everyone else.
“What?” I snap. What I just told her is probably the most I’ve said about the whole incident. Jack doesn’t probe, and Aiden tiptoes around me. I’m not a piece of fucking glass, yet I’m shattered.
Shelby puts her coffee down and does what she does best…rambling and braiding my hair. “Counseling. Just meet with someone, talk it out. I don’t mean at the Rape Crisis Center, but maybe someone privately.” I take a deep breath and consider her words. No… Yes… It’s all I’ve thought about and raged against.
“I’m not them, Shelby. I won’t ever be them.” She knows I’m talking about my crazed parents who neglected me with their crazy ass lifestyle and piss poor parenting skills. Child protective services should have been called before I was even conceived. I want to be stronger than that. I’ve got one more semester, then I can forget all of this. If I can just squash this memory, force it down, cut it out, whatever it takes, I can finally walk across that stage and get my fucking diploma that nobody thought I would ever achieve. “Please, don’t bring this up to Jack. If he got this idea in his head, he’d run with it and I would never get any peace.” I shake my head, as she ties off a long braid of my hair.
“Anything, love. Hey, we’ve got bikinis to buy for Miami.” She suddenly perks up, eyes twinkling. Then, just like that, she’s bundling me up and we’re heading out the door.
Jack
I sit down at my desk and go through the pile of paperwork that’s been sitting, waiting for me. I look at my watch and wonder how Edith is doing. Shelby should be with her by now. Maybe my foolish plan won’t backfire on me. The last few days, I’ve been calling both Aiden and Shelby, trying to get some ideas on how to get Edith to perk up out of her mood. I know life was pretty tough for her before we got together, but it seems like a darkness has spread over her that she can’t shake and I can’t penetrate.
I’m going to call it like I see it. My girl, my precious girl, is spiraling downward. If she’s not jumping at shadows in the house and avoiding me, she’s withdrawing from her friends and going down a dark road. I am so desperate, I called an ex-girlfriend I briefly dated in undergrad. Fleur is a psychologist with a private practice now, and I figure since we’re on platonic terms, I needed some advice. I feel conflicted about going behind Edith’s back to talk about our situation with someone who is a stranger to her, but I feel helpless.
Over the phone, her preliminary diagnosis is Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. PTSD? The shit veterans come home from war with? I don’t know a lot about living with someone who may have it, but I can only listen to Edith cry herself to sleep for so long before I lose my mind. Fleur agreed to meet with her. Now I just have to plant the seed and get her to think it’s her idea or there’s no way in hell she’ll go. That’s why I’ve enlisted Aiden’s and Shelby’s help.
It’s the most underhanded thing I’ve done, but I only want to help Edith.
The first thing I want to do is take that trip to Miami for a change of scenery so Edith can have time away with those of us who love her most. She doesn’t know it, but I’ve invited Aiden and Shelby to come along. I’m too much of a chickenshit to do this all on my own, and Fleur agrees I need to take baby steps with Edith.
Interrupting my musings, my phone beeps with a text.
Shelby: Dr. Crackerjacks is a no-go. A NO-GO. Repeat… DO NOT ASK AGAIN.
It’s nice to know Shelby will never lose her subtlety.
Thanks. Make her buy two of something red and sparkly.
Shelby: Rodger, boss. Mission Glam and Glitz in progress. Over and out.
I shake my head, grateful my girl has the best of friends. I just hope to God we can pull her out of this before it’s too late.
Edith
“Shell, who are you texting?”
Shelby’s been distracted since we left the house and she’s made me drive. Not that I wouldn’t have, but I wasn’t really feeling like it until she pushed me into the car. I pull my red Prius out of our residential development and into traffic, heading towards the mall…a place I dread because of the crowds and pre-holiday insanity. We’ll be lucky to find a parking space and to keep my raging temper in check. At least driving is something I can do that doesn’t leave me freaking out on the floor.
“Your boyfriend. He wants you to buy two of everything.” She smiles at me and puts her phone away. Shelby is lying, not about buying two of everything, because that’s totally Jack, but whatever. I’d rather not deal with anything else today.
Rolling my eyes, I say, “Okay. So where are we headed first?”