Deviation

“We drank a lot.” The residual hangover still haunts me when I see pumpkin-flavored vodka and tequila.

“The tequila did a number on us, as I recall, then we were intimate.”

“I didn’t come here to reminisce.”

She brushes me off. “Let me finish. Even back then, you called me by her name.” I’m shocked. Fleur never told me this. “You said, ‘Edith, I want you so bad, even if it’s wrong…’” Her eyebrows rise as if to challenge me to discredit her statement.

“A month later, you broke up with me by taking the internship in London.”

“Because even then, I knew your mind and your heart were otherwise occupied, Jack. I know you never cheated on me, so I wondered if she had

been the one who got away. It’s okay. I get it.”

“For what it’s worth, I’m really sorry. That was wrong of me.”

“I didn’t say it to get an overdue apology. I’m telling you this to make a point. You care about her deeply, and that’s why you’re so invested. If you want to make this work, don’t smother her, but don’t make it easy for her, either.”

“Tough love is your suggestion?”

“Not quite, but what about an intervention? I’ll call a rehab facility if you want. I have connections to a good one in Cherry Hill. It’s a residential, minimum stay of two weeks. I assume she doesn’t need to detox?”

“I don’t think so.” I take a deep breath. “Yeah, make the call.”

After thanking her, I leave Fleur’s office, more conflicted then before. However, I know Edith needs this, so I’m not going to give her a choice. I won’t make her testify, but she will get treatment to make sure she doesn’t hurt herself again, making her face some of the demons that have come between us. I just hope I don’t lose her in the process.

Chapter Twenty-Two

Edith

Jack has been distant since our trip to Miami and my drinking binge to seduce my way back into his pants. Where once I had been the distant one, confused and hurting, I now knew what the receiving end felt like…and it was pretty shitty. Shelby had been exasperated and told me I needed to grow the hell up. I’ve been embarrassed since my drunk ass puked all over the beach house, ruining our trip. Aiden was still my rock, but his quiet disappointment cut me to the core. I hurt my friends, wallowing in my pain, and Jack is still trying to get me to come back from the dark side.

They are right.

I need to power through this, put on my big girl pants. I just don’t know how. I feel worthless, common, mundane, mumbling as much as I sit on the front step of the house, watching the scant few birds eat from the feeder on the lawn.

“Never something as mundane as normal, baby. You are incredible.” Jack pulls me from the steps of our home, dragging me towards the driveway. We bypass my red Prius and head for Jack’s blue BMW.

“Jack, where are we going?” He hauls me along, buckling me into his car.

“For a ride. I need to think, and you can’t be alone right now.” Jack gets into the car and backs out of the driveway, heading for the highway. Of course I can’t be left alone. The last time I was, I consumed enough alcohol and migraine pills to poison myself into oblivion. Isn’t that what addicts do? His words hurt, but it is a truth I can’t deny. I have a problem, and I know exactly from where that problem stems.

“Tell me where we’re going,” I whine, looking out the window and swallowing the lump in my throat when he maneuvers the car onto the turnpike, heading south. Jack briefly glances over at me, then looks back at the road. As we pass the first exit, a dread begins to loom over me like a thick, dark cloud. “Stop the car, Jack.” At first, I wasn’t sure he heard me say it, but I knew he did. “Stop the fucking car.” My whisper chokes me, saliva pooling and threatening to drown me. I have a strong urge to vomit, but I know all that would come up are dry heaves of anxiety.

“When was the last time you saw them?” Jack continues driving, placing his hand on my knee, gently squeezing.

“The morning of my high school graduation. I walked out the door of that shitty little trailer, seeing them both passed out drunk on opposite ends of the couch. I can still smell the sour air of piss and vodka. Is that what you wanted to hear?” My anger is simmering like a slow, steamy volcano.

“Baby… No, of course it isn’t.”

I push Jack’s hand away from me, the pain being the only rational thing I can feel at the moment.

“I put my torn up bag and a box of my things in my shit of a car and, after I collected my diploma, I drove straight to New Brunswick.” I couldn’t look at him. Had it been hard? Of course. It was also incredibly lonely until I met Shelby and Aiden. These were things I hadn’t even shared with them. Everyone assumed I just showed up for freshman orientation from South shithole Camden, New Jersey, with a silver spoon in my mouth like everyone else.

“Where did you live?” The churning of my stomach rolls like waves crashing on rocks. Chaotically painful.

“In my car, in a shelter, in the park… I fucking lived wherever I didn’t have to pay a dime for it because I was working so hard to maintain the façade that first day of classes. I left this life behind. Why the hell are we driving back to it?” Tears blind me to the passing green exit sign as we get closer and closer to the door of my past I’d kept firmly under lock and key for the last several years.

“We’re driving back to it so we can put it to rest, Edith.” Jack is silent the rest of the way there and it feels like an uncomfortable chasm I don’t know how to breach.