“Not good,” I croaked. “He was just—” I broke off, throat clogging with emotion. “He was talking about their funerals.” The word barely wheezed out of my lips, the reality of it too harsh to consider. But Reno had to. He had to consider it. Plan it. Attend it. He had to live it.
He had to say goodbye to everyone he loved. My eyes welled again, chest tightening to the point of pain. “He won’t let me in.”
“He will,” she said. She didn’t sound convinced. I’m not sure I would have believed her, anyway.
Reno suddenly appeared in the kitchen doorway. The sight shocked me so much I nearly knocked Liss over in my haste to meet him. He’d ventured between his bedroom and the bathroom in the last seventy-two hours, but never beyond that.
“Hey, you okay? You need something?”
“Nope. I’m heading out though,” he muttered, walking past me.
“What?” My head spun to follow his movements, my brows dipping low over my eyes. “Where?”
He shrugged, pushing his arms through his jacket and grabbing the keys to his car from the hook by the door. “Just out.”
“Ren, I—”
“What?” he bit, and I flinched.
My gaze strayed to Liss who watched silently. When her eyes met mine, her lips turned down in
a slight frown before she tilted one shoulder up a tiny fraction. As clueless to what was going on here as I was.
Looking back to Reno, I held my arms out at my sides. He was hurting, vulnerable. I’d seen him at his lowest and that had to be hard for him. But I loved him. And I wanted to be the person he turned to, leaned on.
“Do you want me to come with you?”
Thumbs digging into his hips, he studied me for a long moment, then sighed. “No, Ri. Thanks for everything you’ve been doing, but you don’t need to.” He spread his arms wide, his gaze surveying the surrounding space. “This is it now. I’m good.” His voice cracked, but he pivoted and pushed through the door, leaving me watching after him.
My heart plummeted and the ground beneath my feet seemed to give way. Because this was what I’d feared, what I’d predicted, and I didn’t know how to stop it from happening.
“I’ve lost him.”
An arm came around my shoulders. “Give him time.”
It scared me that time might not be enough.
Nineteen
Riley
“You ready, hon?”
My hands dunked the mug into the warm water, lifted it, rinsed it, and then placed it onto the drainer. Then a bowl. Dunk. Lift. Rinse. Place. Then a fork. And a spoon. Then they ran out of dishes. I left them immersed in the sink, looking down until a drop of water plonked onto the surface, leaving a spiralled ripple. I squeezed my eyelids closed, holding off another bout of tears.
“Oh, hon.” Mom tugged me into her embrace. “He’ll be okay. You’ll see. Men don’t deal well with emotion, and he’s had a boat load dumped on him recently. Just be there for him.”
“He doesn’t want—”
“He does,” she cut in. “He might not say it, might not even realize it, but he needs you right now.”
I nodded, inhaling a shaky breath while steeling my shoulders and easing back out of her hold. Time. Everyone said to give him time. I could do that. But today, I’d stand by his side whether he wanted me to or not. I’d hold his hand while he buried his family, and I wouldn’t let go. Mom was right.
Today, at the very least, he needed me.
I’d never been to a funeral before. I’d never had anyone to lose, not really. My mom had always been so young that she’d seemed invincible to me. I’d never contemplated her death. I had no living grandparents that I knew of. My mom’s mom had passed only months after I was born. There were no aunts, uncles, or cousins. Death had never touched me. Until now.
Mourners gathered in black, heads low, faces drawn and pale, silent tears tracking over their cheeks. The weather matched the occasion. Ominous clouds hovered, threatening a downpour that came as the twin coffins lowered, side by side, into the ground. Heavy mud splattered on top of the polished surfaces, obscuring them from sight forever. Reno and I remained together, his hand clutching mine tightly, as it had all day, watching through a sheet of horizontal rain as earth slowly filled the space.