I nodded. But
it was what they were all thinking. What we were all thinking. And now I could feel everyone’s eyes fixed on me, like a bunch of those little red dots, piercing my skin like lasers. I wanted to apologize, but I felt so embarrassed and remorseful, I could barely find it in me to raise my head. When the combined weight of their stares and the awkward silence became unbearable, my dry lips parted to speak. Someone beat me to it.
“Give us a minute.”
Reno’s voice had the unique ability to simultaneously soothe and stimulate me in equal measures. I couldn’t explain it. There were the times it thrilled me, aroused me, excited me, then there were the times it pissed me off, irritated and angered me. But no matter what, just hearing the deep timbre of it, that husky and familiar baritone, knowing that he was there, flushed my body with a comforting warmth regardless of what was coming out of his mouth. And now, even knowing how badly I’d screwed up, knowing how supremely pissed he was, knowing I owed him an explanation I didn’t really understand or want to voice out loud, I felt that comfort rush through me as his words carried through the compact space.
“That okay with you, Ri?” Liss asked.
Glancing up through my lashes, I nodded my head. With a sigh, she came to stand by me, unfolded her arms and wrapped them around my shoulders.
“Listen,” she spoke quietly, “you feel like shit. I know that, but cut yourself some slack.” Her grip tightened when I pulled away, her head easing back so our eyes met for a beat before hers flicked across to where Reno and Leon hovered just inside the door. When her gaze came back to me, her voice rose, and I knew it was for their benefit. “You got wasted, made a crappy decision, and you know it. But big deal. We’ve all been there. And it’s not like you asked me to get myself involved, or Deontay Wilder over there to come running in throwing fists. We did what we did because we care, and you’d do the same if the situation was reversed. So, yeah, you screwed up, but don’t crucify yourself, Ri... or let anyone else.”
Her words were for me, but her blue gaze traveled back to the door, carrying a none too subtle warning. With that she marched to the door, Leon hot on her heels. The bickering picked up before they’d stepped outside, her harshly whispered reprimand just loud enough to hear—Christ, you’re a fucking moron—before the door closed.
If the silence was awkward before, it was almost unbearable now. Moments passed, neither of us speaking or moving. I didn’t know if he was waiting for me, if I was waiting for him, or if neither of us knew where the hell to begin. Swallowing hard, I peered up at him. He resembled carved granite, tense body, clenched jaw, hands like stones by his sides. His crumpled clothes were mud-stained and streaks of dried blood painted his skin. I noticed a bruise forming on his jaw.
“Ren,” I rasped, “I’m sorry, I didn’t know Liss would call you. I never would have—”
His head snapped to mine, and I quit talking instantly, taken aback by the intensity darkening his eyes until they were nearly black. He literally bristled with rage. The boy was livid.
“Did they do anything to you?”
“No.” I shook my head. “I hadn’t been there long before Liss arrived. I was drunk, and stupid...” I answered, my voice trailing off as his gaze somehow darkened even further.
He bit out a curse, dropping his hands to his hips. His body pulsed with anger as he stared right into me. “What the fuck were you thinking?” he demanded, voice hard.
I lowered my gaze and whispered quietly, “I don’t know. I wasn’t thinking.” I’d been trying to avoid thinking.
He exhaled roughly. “Was this about last week? Were you planning to fuck one of them to get back at me?”
Almost immediately the words left his mouth, the guilt and humiliation receded, replaced by a hot wave of anger.
My chin lifted. “Why would I bother? Why would I even think it would matter to you? You don’t care about me, right? You want me to stay out of your life.” I broke off, agitated, rising from the sofa to stand against the kitchen counter, my arms lifting at my sides. “Why did you even go there, huh? What do you care if I fuck every single one of the—”
He didn’t let me finish. His furious face was inches from mine before I could blink. His big body loomed over me, pressing my lower back into the counter. “They could have fucking raped you, Riley. Do you fucking understand that?” he grated.
He looked to be on the verge of losing his shit. He didn’t scare me. I knew he’d never hurt me... physically, at least. Leon’s trailer might suffer some damage if I didn’t get him to calm down, though. Yet... I had finally provoked a reaction. Maybe I wanted him to explode.
I swallowed roughly, my clammy fingers slipping on the smooth surface behind me as my heart threatened to escape its confines. I didn’t know where the words came from, but I kept my head up and held his stare. “Only if I wasn’t willing, right?”
His head flung back like I’d struck him, his expression bordering on homicidal as his breaths heaved in and out. He was barely holding himself in check. Through gritted teeth, his jaw ticking like crazy, he said, “So that’s what you wanted tonight? That's why you went there... to fuck one of them?”
His anger had been front and center, eclipsing everything else, from the moment he’d stepped through the doorway. But I recognized the emotion blazing in his eyes right then. Jealousy. My brows pinched as understanding dawned. He wasn’t mad I’d dragged him in to a fight; he was mad I might have had sex with someone else. He’d basically demanded I stay out of his life, but the thought I might move on pissed him off? Shaking my head, I narrowed my gaze on him.
“You don’t want me anymore... but you don’t want anyone else to have me? Is that how this works?”
His head tipped up and his jaw pulled taut. “I never said that.”
Mirroring his position, I asked, “Which part?”
His conflicted gaze held mine. Whatever was going on in his head, it was clear he was being pulled in two different directions. Breaking away, he let out a string of curses, dropping his head and planting his clasped hands atop it as he took a measured step back from me. My lungs hastily expelled the breath I hadn’t realized I’d been holding, and my fingers slid from the counter. The fight drained from me.
I wasn’t sure what I’d expected, if anything at all. I didn’t know if I had deliberately antagonized him, or if I’d simply lost control of my emotions. All I knew was a wasteland yawned between us. All of this space that was quickly filling with things we had and hadn’t said to each other. Obstacles piling up that I couldn’t see how to navigate my way through. The hope I’d been holding onto was fading. I couldn’t get through to him if he was throwing up walls faster than I could tear them down.
My eyes burned, my chest ached. Head low, I murmured dejectedly, “Look, I’m sorry. This wasn’t to get at you; I never meant for you to get involved.” My voice caught, a single tear escaped, and I hastily swiped a hand over my cheek to brush all evidence of it away. I stepped around him. “I have to go.”
His arm shot out before I could make good on my words, his hand wrapping firmly around my wrist.