I turned my head away from it. Maybe I was being an idiot. Maybe I knew I was. It didn’t change how I felt.
“We haven’t discussed it,” I answered faintly.
“Riley. This is huge. This is your future. You get that, right?”
Swivelling round, I placed my palms on my thighs, rubbing over the bare skin. I wished things were easier. Liss had gotten into South Coral University and would be off to Florida come the fall, no question. But my circumstances were different.
“Things have been so much better between us lately. He’s… he's doing really good. I mean we’re... things are okay. I feel like we’ve just got back on a level footing and what, then I’m gonna up and leave?”
“It’s still months away,” she pointed out.
Biting my lip, I nodded slowly. “I know.” Eyes meeting hers, I lifted my shoulders helplessly. “I just... can’t leave. Not yet.”
Sadness gleamed in her blue gaze. Reaching out, she covered my hand with one of her own. “Just don’t rule anything out, okay? You’ve got some time before you need to decide. Can you think about it? Can you at least promise me that?”
Squeezing her fingers, I offered her what I hoped was a convincing smile. “Sure.”
She gave a slight nod. “Great. Now let’s get wasted!”
My eyes landed on Reno the second I rounded the house. And the next second, I spotted Raya, prancing around less than three feet away from him. Every curvy inch of her spilled out of the bits of floss she was passing off as a bikini. Her long silky black hair flowed over her tanned skin like a freaking waterfall. I ground my teeth. Damn, the girl had a rocking body. I hated that. I also hated that I suddenly felt self-conscious and insecure.
In private, Reno and I couldn’t keep our hands off each other, but in public, it was another story. I was lucky if he spared me a fleeting glance at school. He never singled me out to speak to me, barely acknowledged my existence. He treated me like anyone else. And I swallowed it down, accepted it as his way of maintaining some distance between us. He still needed to view our arrangement as casual, even if it felt like so much more to me. Even if sometimes, it seemed like he knew it was so much more.
Standing here now though, in what felt like my grandmother’s swimsuit with my straight hips and newly acquired b cups, I doubted everything. Every word of reassurance I’d uttered to myself. Every promise we’d work it out. I’d told myself I just had to wait for him to come around, be patient, because he was still grieving and had suffered major emotional trauma. And I’d managed to convince myself he would come around at some point. Watching him laugh with his friends now though, their shaded eyes on the busty bimbos putting on a show, I wasn’t so sure anymore. Despite the warm April air and bright rays of sun kissing my pale skin, a chill washed over me, goose bumps breaking out.
Turning, I made a beeline for the kitchen, snatching up a plastic cup and filling it with beer, before throwing the contents down my throat without tasting it. What the hell was I doing? I was offering myself up on a platter every night, and Reno was out there getting free goddamn lap dances. Obviously, I knew he’d slept with Raya. And the others. I tried not to think about it; I excelled at blocking that nugget of information from my mind. But… did he want to go there again? Would he? My back stiffened. I hadn’t even thought of that before now. Was he ignoring me publicly because he was doing Raya, or someone else, or all of them, behind my back?
My eyelids drifted closed as a bitter chuckle escaped my lips. It wouldn’t even be behind my back, would it? A snort of air huffed out of me as my fingers drove through my hair. He and I were friends. I hadn’t asked him for more, and he hadn’t offered. My flats slapped against the tile floor as I made my way through the house, barging through the few bodies in my way.
“Where you running off to, Riley? Liss is looking for you out by the pool,” Danny yelled.
I waved a hand behind me, calling out, “Need to pee” over my shoulder.
Bursting into the bathroom, I closed the door behind me, my breaths labored, and spun to rest my forehead against the wood. Fuck, I was so stupid. Spinning to the vanity, I twisted the faucet, cupping my hands under the stream of water and meeting my weary eyes in the framed mirror. I blinked once, twice… then threw the water over my face, dropping my head to let it roll off into the basin, my fingers gripping the edges. I stood with my head hung low as I tried to work through my thoughts.
The door creaked open behind me and my body swivelled. My heart fluttered at the sight of Reno’s bulky form filling the doorway, his inquisitive gaze pinned on my face. “You okay?”
“Yeah,” I said quickly, brushing my damp hands together in front of me and wiping them on my jean shorts.
“Your face is all wet,” he observed, those deep brown eyes scrutinizing me.
I bunched up my shoulders, passing a hand over my face while studiously avoiding his gaze. “It’s a pool party... thought that was the point.”
“You haven’t been in the pool,” he pointed out.
Peering up at him through spiky lashes, I muttered, “Surprised you noticed.”
“What?” He stepped closer, all bronzed skin, broad shoulders and defined abs. That perfectly mussed ink black hair. He had no right to look this good. With his olive skin tone, he was always tan, but after the minutest exposure to the sun, he stepped up from GQ model to Greek God. I gulped, my throat bone dry and my pulse racing off into a gallop. With all this in my face, he had me at a massive disadvantage.
Glancing down, I shrugged. “Nothing.”
His approach unhurried, he stopped in front of me and hooked a thumb and finger under my chin, forcing my eyes up.
Huffing out a breath, I reluctantly explained myself. “Didn’t realize you’d noticed me. Looked like you were too busy enjoying the show.”
His head angled back a little and his brow furrowed before realization hit. “Raya?”
I dropped my head again. Fingers still on my face, he instantly pulled it back up, lowering his gaze to mine.