Our relationship was like the ocean, calm and serene one minute, turbulent as fuck the next. It worked for us. Safe to say, we made up a lot, and I’d ride that damn storm any day. I was still goddamn crazy for her, and she still drove me crazy. But I’d tried life without her once, and it was like being half alive. I’d take her temper and irrationality, because she loved fiercely, with every fucking part of her. And being on the receiving end of that, was exhilarating. Humbling. Addictive. We’d never doubted our love for each other, not when I spent the night on the couch or she stormed out the house in a blaze of fury, putting the lives of every pedestrian in her path at risk. I loved the calm, I loved the chaos.
I fucking loved her.
My gaze landed on the candid black and white picture, framed by the word love, that had pride of place in the centre of the wall in the hallway. She’d never looked more beautiful. Walking down the aisle toward me on Le’s arm. I’d had to dig my heels into the ground to hold myself back. My heart had slammed into my ribs hard enough to crack them.
That was a month ago. It was the second time I’d slipped a ring on her finger. There was no feeling in the world that compared to seeing them there. She was mine. She always fucking had been.
Right now though, she was a royal pain in my goddam ass who was going to make us miss our honeymoon.
“Riley!” I growled, tossing the keys back in the bowl on the table by the door. I started up the stairs, taking them three at a time to see what the hell the damn hold up was this time.
Pushing open the door to our bedroom, I stuck my head round. Finding no sign of her in there, I backed up, and strode down the hallway to the closed bathroom door. “Ri?” I called.
“Yeah.” Her voice was muffled by the wood, but it sounded off.
My brows drew down. “You okay?” I asked, hand closing around the knob and twisting.
My eyes found her immediately, sat on the bathroom floor, knees pulled to her chest, and her arms wrapped around them. Red-rimmed eyes met mine and my protective instincts flared, every muscle tensing into action. “What is it?”
Her head swung wearily, forehead lowering briefly to touch her bent knees, before she raised it enough to make eye contact, and tipped her head over her shoulder toward the basin.
Brow creased, my gaze shifted. And immediately landed on the thin white stick laying face up by the faucet. It wasn’t one of those ones that said the word, but I knew enough to determine what two pink lines meant. My gaze stayed on the stick for a while longer, my brain storing the information, placing it in a box marked come back to.
Sighing heavily, I dropped down, shifting until we were sitting side by side with our backs against the tub. Stretching my legs out in front of me, I took one of Riley’s pale hands in mine, turning it over and running the pad of my thumb over her smooth skin. Looking at the side of her head, I said quietly, “Too soon?”
We hadn’t planned this. It wasn’t a subject we’d discussed in any detail, Riley always shut it down. We’d touched on it early on, more at my insistence than Ri’s, and decided it was a conversation for the future. I knew why she was reluctant. I also knew why she was crying on our bathroom floor. And it had more to do with the past than the future.
Her head shook as she tucked her chin into her knees and closed her eyes.
I swallowed, chest burning. I couldn’t even focus on what that stick meant for us right now. I had to figure out how to comfort her, but I knew how I felt and what I wanted. I wanted this baby.
All being said, I’d easily agreed to go along with whatever Riley wanted, to put it off indefinitely and wait until she was ready, but that stick changed things. I had no fucking idea what I’d do if she didn’t feel the same. “Talk to me, Ri.”
She just shook her head, internalizing her struggle.
Swallowing hard, I pushed the words out through layers of resistance. “You don’t want it?”
Her head shot up instantly, face crumbling and watery eyes wide. “Of course I do,” she said, and relief rushed through me. My fingers squeezed hers. “But... I’m scared.”
Her small voice twisted at my insides. Reaching across, I wrapped my hands around her biceps and lifted, settling her over me, legs braced either side of mine. Using both hands, I swiped the matted hair from her damp face, curling it over her ears before framing her face with my hands. “Everything is going to be fine, baby. I promise.”
Her head shifted in my hands, but I held firm, keeping her eyes on me.
With a despondent shrug, hands lifting up helplessly before landing on my chest, she said, “I don’t know if I deserve it, not after...”
“You did nothing wrong last time, baby,” I said, fierce determination in my words. “And you damn well deserve it, Ri, do you wanna know why? The fact that you feel this way, that you’re worried you don’t, proves how much you do. What happened before won’t happen again, there’s no reason to think that it will. I know you’re scared, but whatever happens, Riley, I’ll be here. Right here with you,” I vowed emphatically, holding her watery gaze and refusing to let go. “Whatever comes our way, good or bad, we face it together, and we get through it together, you hear me?”
She pressed her lips together, sniffling as she nodded, those green eyes shining like emeralds through long spiky lashes. Her lips lifted the tiniest bit on one side, eyes wide. “I can’t believe it. I’ve been taking birth control, never missed, I don’t know how...”
“Doesn’t matter,” I said, reassuring her.
Eyes locked on mine, she inhaled a long breath, chest lifting with the motion. “Do you... are you... happy?” Her voice was tentative.
My face broke into a grin before I slammed my lips down on hers, hands angling her head for better access. The emotions I’d put to one side smashed into me at full force. Happy? Didn’t even fucking come close. Easing back, lips still hovering over hers, I shifted to look at her. “Yeah... I’m really fucking happy, Ri,” I breathed, wonder in my words.
Her lids fell, but her face broke into a wide smile.
My hand found her stomach between us, palm splaying across the still flat surface. Awe swept through me, right along with joy. Pure unadulterated fucking joy. My chest was struggling to contain it all. My baby was in there.