“Say something,” I said.
“I, uh, don’t know what to say. Didn’t we just talk, like, a week ago?”
“We did.”
“And all of this happened in the span of a week?”
“It did, yes.”
“Heather, this is a shitty idea,” she said.
“I know you think—”
“You don’t have to preserve my feelings, because I know that’s what you’re doing. You’re my best friend, and I’m yours. We can talk about these things without fear of hurting one another. So, I’m going to say it. This is a fucked-up idea.”
“It’s potentially eight hundred thousand dollars.”
“At the expense of giving birth to a child you won’t raise and handing it over to a man you don’t know. You’ll get attached to that child during your pregnancy, Heather. Take it from me. You will get attached, and then you’ll have to hand it over and never see it again.”
“I think I’m capable of doing that,” I said.
“You're the most emotional woman I know. You care, Heather. More than you should. You always have. This is going to break you. It almost broke me. I know it’s not quite the same situation. I was married, we lost the baby, and then that grief forced our divorce. I get it. But Heather, what if the same thing happens to you? What if you get all the way to seven months, he’s been paying you this money, and you lose that child? What then? Will he ask for his money back? Will he want to get you pregnant again? Have you thought about any of this?”
“Well, no. But I’ve already met with him, and I believe him when he says he’s going to take really good care of this child. He’s already a father, and he says his circumstances don’t allow him to find a woman to have another child with. So he’s taking this route,?
?? I said.
“His circumstances? Do you even know who this guy is?”
“His name’s Andrew.”
“Andrew what?”
I closed my eyes when Nikki sighed.
“You don’t even know the man’s last name, Heather.”
“The agency deals only with high-end clients. High-profile men with a certain type of income that require delicacy and privacy above all else. I’ve talked with people. I’ve done my research. I know what I’m doing.”
“This is a massive risk, Heather. I love you, but you have no idea what you’re about to step into.”
“I know it’s a risk, but I would only go through with something like this if I knew this child was going to have a good life. And I have a good feeling about Andrew. We’re meeting this week to discuss terms and negotiate pay, and at any time, if I get a weird feeling about him, I can pull the plug. I can have him removed from the program. That’s the type of power I wield over the situation.”
“So this place keeps you safe. Will someone be with you?” she asked.
“They have their own personal security that walks by and keeps tabs on the places the women in their care go to. So yes, for this next meet-up someone will be there checking on us as well. He’s required to report everywhere we go and the address on where we’re going, and I’m required to call in a health and identification report after every meeting.”
“Good. At least they’re keeping you safe in all this,” she said.
“I have a strong feeling about him, Nikki. I can tell he’s got a good heart.”
Nikki sighed and I could tell she was really struggling with the idea. “I get the feeling he’s a good man, Nikki. But if that feeling changes, I’m not going to do it. No matter how badly I need the money.”
“Good. I can count on that, at least. But Heather, when you feel your child move for the first—”
“His child,” I said.
She sighed again as I pinched the bridge of my nose.