Rugged Daddy

What the fuck was I doing with Heather? Had I lost my damn mind? It had been three days since our pizza date, and I couldn't get her off my mind. But when I fell asleep at night, my brain always reminded me of the reality of my life. It made me second-guess everything. The Mafia was still after me. I’d nearly killed one of their own to avenge the death of my brother. In the back of my mind, I knew they would come after me. Men like them didn’t stop until retribution had been served. It was a matter of honor to them.

I had a daughter to protect, and Audrey had to come first.

Yet, I also had another child on the way, another child with another woman who took up every free space in my mind. Audrey needed a parent looking out for her, and the only parent she currently had was being hunted down by a group of hardened criminals, people who killed for money and pleasure and personal gain. Dragging Heather into this world was reckless. A mistake. I was lying to her. Every time she said my daughter’s ‘name’ or moaned my ‘name’ in bed, it reinforced the lie I was spewing to her.

“Fuck.” I dipped my face back into the water. “Fuck!” Bubbles wafted against my ears as I yelled.

I had broken the one rule I’d made for myself. Above all else, don’t get attached to anyone because, at any moment, Audrey and I could be forced to pack up and leave. I’d gone and done just that. I’d gotten attached to this sweet woman with exotic features and a lilting voice I couldn't ignore. A woman whose body called to me in ways I’d never felt before. A woman whose presence and scent and laughter were high-inducing.

I yelled into the water until I had no breath left and then came back up and looked at myself in the mirror again.

“You fucked up,” I said as I pointed at myself. “You broke that one rule, and now you’ve got two people in this fucked up web with you.”

The only thing Heather was supposed to be was a vehicle for another child, which was reckless in and of itself. I knew it. Hudson knew it. But every single time I took my daughter out to eat or chanced taking her into town to go to the park, I saw how she looked. I saw how lo

nely she felt. Her eyes lingered on brothers and sisters who ran hand-in-hand around the swing sets, and it broke my heart, shattered my world. I was torn between my guilt at throwing her into this situation, my anger toward my brother for his gambling debts, and my need to give Audrey the closest thing to the kind of life she wanted and deserved.

Why the fuck did everything in my life have to clash?

“She was only supposed to give you a child,” I said to myself in the mirror. “Damn it, Cameron. What the fuck were you thinking?”

I stuck my head back into the water and screamed until I felt better.

After yelling into the watery void until my throat was hoarse, I drained the sink and wiped my face off. I didn’t hear my daughter moving around in her room yet, so I sat on the edge of the bed and grabbed my phone. Feeling conflicted about Heather and angry at my circumstance didn’t change the fact that she was pregnant, and I needed to uphold my end of the bargain. I was first and foremost a man, a grown man who had fathered that child.

At the very least, I had to take responsibility for my actions, no matter the cost. But when I called the bakery to talk with Heather, all I got was her voice message.

So I hung up and promptly called her cell phone.

“Hello?”

“Morning,” I said. “Are you okay?”

“Andrew?” she asked. “What time is it?”

I cringed at the name falling from her lips.

“It’s nine thirty. Are you feeling okay? You’re not at the bakery.”

“Mmm, I had to shut down today. Not really feeling well.”

“Are you sick?” I asked.

“Nauseous.”

“How long have you been feeling this way?”

“Woke up around four, I think, and decided to take the day off,” she said.

“Do you need anything? I could bring you some soup. Maybe some Gatorade from the store.”

“That’s very kind of you, but all I need right now is sleep. I promise I’m okay. Nothing I can’t handle. Though I do have an appointment this afternoon to have some levels checked.”

“I want to be at that appointment,” I said.

“It’s not an ultrasound or anything. Just some blood tests. The doctor wants to check all of my vitamin levels to make sure I’m not deficient in anything.”

“Why? What’s going on? Talk to me, Heather.”