Bad Seed

I sat in front of my computer at my dad’s dentistry office and sighed. Monday through Friday, eight in the morning until five in the afternoon. An hour break for lunch at twelve thirty and home for dinner by six. That was my life, my boring, routine life. It had been that way for the past four years, and it didn’t show any signs of stopping. I checked in clients and got them squared away with bills. I made sure people got paid on time and took phone calls regarding everything from deliveries to new clients in the area trying to find a dentist. It wasn’t glamorous, but it paid the bills. It wasn’t what I needed to live the life I truly wanted, but it was a start.

A start that had become more permanent than I had ever meant it to.

The past few days had been too much, and I wanted to talk to Jane and get her take on things. I wanted to enlist her help in finding me a new place. I wanted to fill her in on what happened with Grant and I and get her advice on the situation.

I also wanted to find Grant and not talk at all.

Either way, I wanted to do something, anything that was out of the ordinary. Anything to break up the monotony that had come to define my life. Everyone expected me to fall into step with a particular persona and I’d done that for so long. My father expected me to be the smart, innocent girl of the family. He expected me to get a Business degree and help him with his practice. He expected me to stick close and live in town for the rest of my life so he could check on me. And my brother? He expected me to be his little sister. To always talk with him about everything and to forever stay a virgin so he wouldn’t have to feel the need to kick anyone’s ass out of brotherly obligation.

Even Jane expected me to fall into a specific line. I was her best friend, her confidante. I listened to all her stories of all her wild escapades, and I offered her my shoulder when her latest bad decision blew up in her face. That was my job.

No one seemed to want the real me. And part of that was because I wasn’t sure who “me” was. I caught a glimpse of it when I’d stood up to Ike. When I’d finally told him how I felt, turned him down, and kicked him out. I caught a glimpse of the strong woman I knew I was inside, but I wasn’t sure where to go from there. I wasn’t sure what the next step was.

But I knew typing away at a computer in my father’s dental office wasn’t it.

I wanted to do something no one expected of me. Like the tattoo, I’d gotten with Jane. After my mom died, I’d gone through a reckless phase. I’d had a similar one back in high school when my father threw Grant out of the house. I was making poor decisions and throwing caution to the wind, and Jane was right there by my side, making sure I didn’t hurt myself in the process. A joyriding venture to a bar that served underaged girls landed me in a tattoo parlor getting my mother’s favorite flower—a lily—tattooed on the outside of my thigh. It was a way to commemorate her, work through my grief, and fulfill a want inside of myself to do something totally unexpected.

But after I got it, I hid it.

The only two people who had seen it were Jane and Ike. And now, I knew Grant had seen it as well. Jane was ecstatic that I’d gotten a tattoo and, of course, Ike was furious at it. He thought it was trashy, and he didn’t want to look at it, but after a while, he stopped complaining. But Grant? Of course, he would be the one to ask about it. Of course, he would know me well enough to know I wouldn’t do something like that without good reason.

And something about the fact that he’d taken the time to really study my body during our night together filled me with all sorts of warm and tingly sensations. I stared at the computer screen until five o’clock, then I left without saying goodbye to my dad. That was usually my routine. Sticking my head into his office and saying goodbye. But I didn’t want to today. I wanted to get out and roam around and be free for a little bit. I wanted to indulge this part of me that was rearing its head again.

I wanted to do something exciting.

I got into my car and pulled out my phone, but Jane wasn’t available. She was still working, and from the sounds of it, she wouldn’t be done for a few more hours, which sucked, because I wanted to share this moment with her.

Part of me debated on asking Grant to come with me, but I didn’t have his number. And I couldn’t simply go over to Hollis’ house and ask him to come out. My brother would have both of our heads on a damn platter if he were to think anything was going on between us. So, I was on my own. I cranked up my car and tossed my phone into the passenger seat. Then I backed out of the parking lot and sped onto the main road.

I rolled down my windows and let the breeze fill my car. I closed my eyes at every stop light and drew in deep breaths of the refreshing scent of the world. I raced back to my apartment and bounded up the stairs, then threw the front door open and began to change. I left a trail of clothes behind me—an action that would’ve pissed Ike off—and I changed into some shorts, a tank top, and some flip-flops. I rushed over to the fridge and grabbed the last bottle of wine in it, then I made my way back to my car.

I knew exactly where I was headed.

Hollis had a beautiful creek behind his house. It was about a mile into the woods, running straight through a beautiful, sun-bathed clearing. I had a towel and some other things in the trunk of my car, so I wrapped up the wine bottle and started for that side of town. It was one of my favorite spots. It was known to very few people, so there wasn’t a lot of foot traffic, and the babbling creek was one of the most soothing sounds I’d ever found around this area.

It felt like the perfect place to be when a break in my routine was necessary.

I pulled my car into the empty driveway of a foreclosed property and took everything out of the trunk. The wine. The towel. The portable charger for my phone. I gathered everything in my arms and rolled it all up, then began to walk back into the woods. I crossed over Hollis’ backyard, and I couldn’t help but turn my gaze toward the back of his house. There were wood and tools and a pile of other things sitting out on his lawn, but no one was outside.

And I felt myself feeling a little disappointed.

I drew in a deep breath and forced my eyes away from the house. I couldn’t go looking for Grant. That would spell trouble for the both of us. Plus, he wasn’t mine to search for. He never was. I drew in a deep breath and forced my body to start walking, and I found the rough trail that led straight back to the creek. And after a half a mile of walking, I could hear the faint sounds of water running.

I took off in a dead sprint and made my way to the edge of the creek. I reached up and released my hair, allowing it to waft in the breeze. I felt freer already, better than I had in days. I came to a stop in the clearing and turned my face up to the sky, taking in the sun beating down on my face.

It was perfect.

This entire moment was perfect.

I walked to the edge of the creek and spread the towel out. I set my phone off to the side and opened the bottle of wine so I could take a few sips. The alcohol was filling my stomach and already crashing over my head. It loosened me up just enough to make me act on the ideas running through my mind.

I dug a space for the bottle of wine to sit in, then I pulled my tank top over my head. My bare breasts were puckered in the light breeze as I laid down on my towel. I kicked off my flip-flops and hung my feet over the side of the babbling creek, allowing the warm water to trickle over my toes. The sun was bright and full, and I could feel my body already relaxing under the beating down of its hot rays.

This was what I’d needed.

A moment to be free of every single little thing and every minute’s expectation.

I closed my eyes and took in the moment. The sound of the birds flapping their wings and calling for their mates. The sound of deer walking over branches that cracked underneath their hooves. The sound of the wind washing over the grass and swaying it in the breeze.