Bad Seed

According to the tabloids and the news that kept popping up on my laptop, Drake was out of rehab. Things were going well for him. He was out of rehab and safely back home. He had signed a record deal with Warner Bros. Records and his throng of fans was beginning to grow even bigger. People were applauding him for turning his life around and getting himself back on track. His fans dubbed themselves ‘Blackthornians’ and wrote blog post after blog post about what a strong and admirable man he was.

There were pictures of him on his porch, and even from a distance he looked good. It took all of my willpower not to run straight to him, to hop over his fence, run into his arms, and tell him everything that was going on. From the articles I had read that outlined the treatment he probably went through, the last thing he needed was a trigger.

Unfortunately, I figured finding out he’d gotten me pregnant would probably be a significant trigger.

So for his benefit, I stayed were I was. And, contrary to my original plan, I was also going to attend my graduation. I had gotten a personal call from the Dean of the college asking me to walk across the stage. I had graduated with one of the highest GPAs in our class, and there was a special award being handed out to the top ten students.

I figured it would be a good distraction with everything going on, so I told the Dean I would be there. Plus, God knew I needed a win right then.

A little bit of ego-stroking wasn’t so bad. It got my mind off of the life growing in my stomach and the rolling nausea I felt. It got my mind off of Drake and how well--off he seemed to be without me. It got my mind off all the stress of saving money and figuring out how in the world I was going to do everything I needed to do with a child on the way.

But now, I was regretting telling the Dean I would attend.

The day before the ceremony, I decided to walk the campus, to relive a few memories and walk myself through everything that had happened. I ended up confiding in my boss at the PA company what was going on with me, though I didn’t tell her who the father of the child was. She was sympathetic, sharing that she had gotten pregnant young and how her boss had cut her some slack as well. She was letting me work from home on the days I couldn't come into the office and told me I could work as far into my pregnancy as I wanted.

But even with the pay she was giving me, I knew I had to find something else to do in Nashville.

I applied to a couple of managerial positions currently open at the P.A. company, since I wasn’t hearing back from any of the applications I had out. Management wasn’t what I wanted to do with the rest of my life, but those were salary positions and came with some medical benefits. My boss got me on her schedule for a couple of interviews after my graduation was complete and I could officially designate myself as a college graduate.

She was going above and beyond in order to try and get me secured and prepared for my impending motherhood, and I was really thankful.

Walking around campus, I took in all the sights. I familiarized myself with the graduation venue and breathed in the fresh air, trying to keep my nausea at bay as the sun hung low in the sky.

There was still the issue of whether or not to tell Drake about the baby. I didn’t want this affecting his recovery, but I knew deep down he had a right to know. I struggled, wondering how long was too long to wait to inform a man he was going to be a father.

In all my life, I hadn’t felt more alone.

I went home and tried to get some sleep to prepare myself for graduation. Saturday morning came around and the skies were bright and full of promise. I found myself excited to walk across the stage and accept my diploma. There was a certain kind of pride that went with it.

Though I had no one to watch me walk across that stage, that didn’t mean I couldn’t be proud of what I had accomplished.

This was the start of my new life. As I readied myself with my cap and gown, and drove over to campus, a smile crossed my cheeks. I felt an overwhelming sense of peace take over me as I parked my car and sat. Even if I didn’t get my dream job off the bat, I knew my boss would do everything in her power to keep me employed. I felt confident about the interviews for the managerial positions, especially since I was about to accept my degree. I had a good reputation at the company and was known by many people who were farther up the chain than I was. It would be easy to dip into a full-time personal assistant there if things fell through with the interviews, and I found myself recognizing something I thought I didn’t have before.

Options.

My life was now filled with options.

I had the capability of having a job and being a single mom. I could live my dreams and raise my child. I knew I could do it.

I stepped out of the car and allowed myself a moment to bask in the sun. Everyone was beginning to gather in the parking lot to walk in and proceed with our graduation. We were all situated in a specific order and I slipped my cap on my head. But quickly into the ceremony, a speech on family was being made. The Dean of the University was talking about how none of us would be here had it not been for the support of our families, our friends, our confidants and our professors. The Dean talked about the support of his own family and how it had risen him to the title he now held.

All of that talk pierced through the happiness I was experiencing and brought on a drop of sadness that settled in my chest.

If my parent were there I knew they’d be proud.

But neither of them were here. No one was here to support me and cheer me on as I walked across that stage.

The sadness was overwhelming.

CHAPTER 23

Drake

“You still wanna come?” I asked, as I came downstairs.

“No, I don’t think I’ll go with you,” Elsie said.

“Why not?” I asked. “Don’t you want to see Delia graduate?”