Bad Seed

“Then, why are you defending him?” I asked.

“Because he doesn’t seem like a jerk,” Andrea said simply. “Joshua always seemed like a total tool. From the first time I met him, I hated him. But Michael, not so much.”

“You’ve never actually met him,” I said.

“You’re right,” she said with a nod. “But the way he was talking to you, it’s obvious that he really cares about you, Julie.”

“If you care about someone, you don’t lie to them.”

“Maybe he didn’t know how to tell you,” Andrea said softly. “Maybe he saw you in the café and wanted to talk to you, but he was afraid you’d run away if you knew who he was. Then, he really started to like you, and the closer you two became, the harder it was to tell you the truth. Maybe, he just wanted to see if things could work out between you guys before he dropped the bomb about being Joshua’s brother.”

I shook my head. “That doesn’t make sense. Besides, even if it’s true, it’s a shitty reason to lie to someone.”

“I agree,” Andrea said. “But it makes sense, doesn’t it?”

I just shook my head again and turned away. I didn’t want things to make sense yet. I just wanted to be angry, to silently curse Michael for making me fall for him. I hated him for breaking my heart when it was already in a shambles over Joshua.

“I wish I’d never met him,” I said softly. “Him or Joshua. They’ve only brought me grief.”

“I know.” Andrea sighed and sank down closer to me.

We sat in silence for a while. My head was spinning. It seemed crazy that this was where my life had ended up. It wasn’t that long ago that Andrea and I were moving my stuff into this house. It felt like yesterday that I was crying over Joshua and, now, here I was, broken over a man who turned out to be his brother.

“I just,” I said, finally breaking the silence, “I really, really wish I’d never met either one of them.”

“You don’t mean that,” Andrea said softly.

I looked at her, angry at first. She just smiled at me kindly and squeezed my hand again. Andrea was never the type of friend to lie. She wouldn’t sugarcoat things. She wouldn’t hide from the real issues just to make me feel better. Most the of time, I loved her for it.

“I wish I meant it,” I said, sighing.

My eyes closed, and I felt fresh tears begin to form. As much as I wanted to be done crying, I wasn’t.

“I was falling in love with him,” I said weakly. My voice broke, and just like that, I was crying again.

Andrea pulled me into her arms and smoothed my hair. She let me cry on and off for the rest of the night. We switched between hating Joshua, cursing Michael, and laughing at them both. Still, nothing we did made me feel any better. I missed Michael so much that my stomach felt like a pit. It was as if he’d created a void I wasn’t sure I would be able to fill again.

“He meant a lot to you,” Andrea said later that night. “I can tell.”

“You want to know something really pathetic?” I asked.

“Always.” Andrea smiled.

“Part of me thought he was the one,” I said. “I know, it’s stupid.”

“Why is that stupid?” Andrea asked.

“Because we barely know each other,” I said. “We only just met and, already, I was falling for him.”

Andrea shrugged. “Sometimes it happens that way,” she said. “Love at first sight does exist, you know?”

“I’m not so sure about that,” I said doubtfully. “That’s a fairy tale.”

“It doesn’t have to be,” Andrea said.

“It doesn’t matter anymore,” I said. “Everything’s different now. Everything’s changed.”

“So, you never want to see him again?” Andrea asked. “Ever? You don’t want to let him try and explain?”