Bad Seed

As much as Andrea helped the night before, I needed time to myself. It was hard to wrap my head around everything that had happened between me, Michael, and Joshua. Accepting that they were brothers was hard enough, but finding out that Michael had been lying all this time felt impossible. Even after two days, I still couldn’t make sense of it.

Luckily, I didn’t have long to dwell. When I pulled into my parents’ driveway, my sister ran outside to greet me. Layla was on her hip, bouncing around happily and waving her arms at me.

“Hey,” I said as I hurried over to them.

Bethany pulled me in for a tight hug while Layla played with my hair. I kissed my niece on the cheek before turning my attention to Bethany. She was watching me closely, a slight frown on her face.

“What’s the matter?” she asked immediately.

“Don’t.” I shot her a warning look as our mom and dad stepped outside. “Not now.”

Bethany nodded and stood aside while I said hello to our parents. They both hugged me and quickly ushered me inside. My dad took my suitcase upstairs to my old bedroom. I’d be staying for a couple of days, although I wasn’t sure that was the best idea.

Despite how excited I was to spend Christmas with my little niece, I didn’t know how well I’d be able to hold myself together. Michael stayed in the back of my mind throughout the entire day.

We ate lunch together as a family, laughing and catching up on life. Bryan wasn’t there yet, though he would be arriving later that night. He and Bethany agreed to spend Christmas with our parents this year because his parents lived out of town. Everything was nice. Normal. Calm. I tried to feel comfortable, but I couldn’t stop my emotions from creeping up on me.

While my mom cleared all the dishes, I just sat at the table and stared down at my hands. Bethany was watching me from the living room. She had Layla on her chest, rocking her slowly to sleep, but her eyes never left my face. I could feel her gaze the entire time.

Finally, I couldn’t take it any longer. I pushed away from the table, mumbled some excuse about being tired, and ran upstairs. I felt like a teenager again as I pulled my door closed behind me and fell onto my old bed. My head hit the pillow, and immediately, fresh tears sprung into my eyes.

I was getting impatient with myself. All this crying was pathetic. Not only was Michael not worth it, but I refused to be the kind of girl who fell apart every time a relationship didn’t work out.

Angrily, I shoved myself up off the bed and began to pace around the room. My head was spinning with thoughts of Michael, and my heart ached from missing him so much. But I refused to let the tears fall. I walked circles around my childhood bedroom until I was certain I could keep my emotions at bay.

Just when I thought I was ready to head back downstairs, the door slowly crept open and Bethany stepped inside. She smiled at me knowingly and sat down on the edge of my bed.

“Talk to me,” she said simply.

I sighed and sat down beside her. She waited patiently until I was ready to unload everything. When I first saw my sister outside, I didn’t want to tell her anything. I just wanted to keep the whole situation a secret. I wanted to bottle everything up and pretend like it didn’t exist until after Christmas. But now that we were alone, I couldn’t stop myself from spewing the entire story.

“Michael is Joshua’s brother,” I said bluntly.

Much like Andrea, Bethany assumed I was kidding. She was shocked. As I told her the rest of the story, she just shook her head from side to side in disbelief. It wasn’t until I was completely done talking that she finally found her voice.

“Well, damn,” Bethany said. “No wonder you look like hell.”

“Thanks,” I snapped.

“Hey,” Bethany said. “Don’t expect me to start lying to you now.”

“I know.” I groaned. “I feel like shit, Beth. I barely slept last night.”

“I can imagine,” Bethany said.

“Michael showed up at my place last night,” I said softly. “He just showed up with what I assume was my Christmas gift. He didn’t even know something was wrong until I told him about dinner with Joshua.”

“How did that end?” Bethany asked.

“With us both yelling,” I said. “Then, I kicked him out and spent the rest of the night drinking with Andrea.”

“Sounds healthy,” Bethany said with a laugh.

I laughed with her, feeling relief flood my body. I hadn’t laughed much lately. It felt amazing to let myself feel something other than confusion and pain.

“I’m sorry,” Bethany said. “You don’t deserve this. Any of it.”

“I just thought we had something real,” I said softly. “Michael and me, I mean. We connected so quickly, you know? It almost felt like…”