Bad Seed

“He’s still in surgery,” she said. “But it looks like he’s stable. If anything changes, I’ll let you know immediately.”

“Is there somewhere I can wait?” I asked.

The nurse pointed down the hall to a waiting room. I nodded my thanks and slowly walked forward. As I did, I pulled out my phone to dial Julie’s number. Now that I was at the hospital, I could slow down long enough to call her. I didn’t want her to think I’d stood her up for no reason.

“Michael?” a woman’s voice said behind me.

I didn’t recognize the voice, but when I turned around, my heart fell into my stomach, and my throat tightened painfully. I swallowed hard and blinked, sure that I was seeing things.

“Michael?” she asked again. “Is that you?”

I froze. I would have recognized those eyes anywhere. After all, they were the same eyes I saw staring back at me every time I looked in a mirror. They were the same eyes that Josh and I shared. Dark blue. Round. And full of emotion.

“Yeah,” I said slowly. “I’m Michael.”

“Oh my god.”

She took a step forward but stopped herself. I didn’t know what to say or what to think. I rushed to the hospital without thinking about the possibility that she might be there. Of course she was there. She was Josh’s mother. My biological mom. The woman who gave me up for adoption when I was just an hour old.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I don’t really know what to say.”

“Let’s sit down,” she said. Her voice was weak.

She gestured toward a couple of chairs beside us. I followed her over and sat down, my hands shaking as I laid them on my knees.

“I’m Sheila,” she said with an uncertain smile. “I don’t know if you know who I am, but—”

“You’re my mother,” I said boldly.

Sheila blinked and swallowed. Pain crossed over her face, but she pushed it away and smiled instead. She nodded and just stared at me until I was ready to speak again.

“Josh told me a lot about you,” I said lamely.

“He’s told me a lot about you, too,” Sheila said. “It’s meant a lot to him that you two could finally meet.”

“Yeah,” I said. Talking about Josh made me think of Julie. I looked down at my phone, which was still clutched in my trembling hands. I tucked it away in my pocket. There was no way I could make a phone call now.

“Listen,” Sheila said. “I want you to know that I understand why you didn’t want to meet me.”

I nodded but didn’t say anything. I spent the past two years getting to know my brother. We talked. Slowly, we became brothers. Despite what happened with Julie, Josh was still my brother and I loved him, no matter what. Sheila was something different.

I had no memories of her. The first time Josh asked if I wanted to meet her, I said no without thinking. Josh never brought it up again. He just let it go, assuming that I would ask if I ever wanted the chance to see her. Deep down, I was always curious. I wondered about the woman who gave me away. I wondered who she was, what she was like, and if she ever regretted her decision.

Now that we were sitting there beside each other, I didn’t know what to say.

“I have a million questions,” I finally said. “I don’t even know where to start.”

“You can ask me anything,” Sheila said. “Anything you want.”

“Why did you give me away?” I asked.

The question flew from my lips before I could stop myself. Sheila inhaled sharply, and her eyes darkened with emotion. She looked more like Josh than ever.

“It’s a long story,” Sheila said.

“We have time.” I looked around the waiting room, silently showing her that we weren’t going anywhere anytime soon.

“I already had Joshua,” Sheila said. “And when you came along, I was in the hole. Drugs. Alcohol. Everything.”