Top Dog

I lifted my head and saw Amanda standing there, a worried look in her eye and eggs staining the front of her shirt.

She looked perfect in the mornings.

“Everything okay?” Amanda asked.

“Could you watch Lanie for a bit?” I asked.

“Sure. What’s going on?” she asked.

“I need to clear my head for a minute.”

“Okay. Be careful, all right?” she asked. “Call me if you need me.”

“I still don’t think I have your phone number,” I said, chuckling.

She pulled out her phone and pressed a few buttons before mine rang out. I looked down at it and saw a number I didn’t recognize along with a small little message scrolling across my screen.

Now you do, the text message said.

Grinning, Amanda pushed off the doorframe and headed back to the kitchen. I saved Amanda’s number on my phone, then dressed in some warm clothes. I pulled on my hiking boots and slipped out the back, listening as the sounds of Lanie and Amanda giggling followed me out the door. I smiled at the sound as I started for the hiking trail, ready to lose myself in the nature that surrounded my home.

I felt like I was back at square one. Lost and alone and bobbing in an endless ocean of turmoil. I knew Amanda was still willing to help me, but I wasn’t sure if I was willing to take her up on it anymore. If we had to go through with this marriage thing, then I needed to tell her how I felt. She needed to know the truth going in so she could make the best decision for her.

Especially with all she was dealing with currently.

I shoved my hand into my pocket and wrapped my fingers around the small box. I’d picked the ring up after Lanie and I had pizza the other day. It caught my eye in the shop window just before I heard Amanda’s voice calling out down the sidewalk.

I went back to purchase it as she made sure her asshole ex understood he was no longer wanted in town.

It was the perfect ring for her, but now it felt important. Before, it was only a ring. Something to help us with our little scheme. But now, it felt more real. I imagined all the ways I could propose to Amanda. I thought of all the ways she deserved to be proposed to. As I walked through the woods and drew in deep breaths, I thought about the lavish wedding she deserved. The luxurious honeymoon I could take her on. I thought about the beautiful princess gown she deserved to walk down the aisle in and the tailored tuxedo I wanted to wear when I saw her for the first time.

She would get none of that this way, and that admission broke my heart.

I knew she would marry me to help Lanie, but I wanted her to marry me because she loved me.

I just wasn’t sure that was even possible.

CHAPTER 25

AMANDA

“Where’s Uncle Bwian?” Lanie asked.

“He went to go for a walk, sweetie. He’ll be back soon,” I said.

“Can we go on a walk?” she asked.

“How about we play some tag?” I asked.

“Walk.”

“We have to stay inside until your uncle gets back, sweetheart.”

“But why, Amana?”

I loved the way she said my name, eliminating the “D” with her little toddler squeak. I thought back to the day she had called me ‘mommy’ and my heart skipped. With each passing minute I spent with this precious child, the deeper in love I fell with her. I wanted to be her mommy, to have her look to me for comfort and love.

Which was another reason why I wanted to help Brian.