Sin City Baby

There was no way she saw Evan and Jared, not if she was still upstairs and was just leaving her room herself.

“Grayson told me you had some visitors spend the night,” mom said, the disappointment in her voice even thicker. “Evan and Jared. Apparently, you were playing adult games and fell asleep?”

I groaned, putting my hands to my face and cursing under my breath.

“It's not like that,” I said.

My mom always knew when I lied. “You think it's wise to be hanging out with both of them? Shouldn't you be trying to fix things with Gabe instead?”

“Listen, mom, I appreciate the guidance, but I don't need that right now,” I said.

She huffed and walked toward the stairs. Then she stopped and turned around, reaching her hand out to my son.

“Come on, Grayson,” she said, not looking at me. “Let's get something to eat and let your mom get herself cleaned up.”

As much as I loved my mother, I knew she was judging me. She was more conservative and old-fashioned than most people realized. She'd stayed married to my dad for thirty years before he passed away, and she never did remarry. She never strayed, even when he was sick for months on end at the end of his life. She was a good woman, the type of woman who was loyal to just one man.

I wasn't sure I could ever be that woman, especially now. But, I did know one thing – Evan, Jared and Gabe deserved better than me.

What I'd done the night before was selfish, and I knew it. I'd used them to get what I wanted. I loved them, and I knew they loved me too, all in their own way. I slept with them, in turn, and enjoyed every second of it. They seemed to enjoy it too. It hadn't seemed like a bad or dirty thing at the time. Nothing I needed to feel ashamed of. Yet, I did.

I knew, in that moment, what I had to do.

***

I stepped out of the shuttle van and turned around to help Grayson down. Setting him on his feet on the sidewalk, I took my bags from the driver. I set them down and fished around in my purse, pulling out a ten-dollar bill and handing it over as a tip.

“Thank you, ma'am,” he said. “Have a nice day.”

“Yeah, you too.”

It was going to take several trips to get all of our luggage inside.

“Mama, I gotta pee,” he said, dancing around to emphasize his point.

“Okay, baby,” I said.

I picked up a bag in one hand, and took hold of Grayson's hand in the other, quickly marching him up the walkway, and up the steps that led to the front door. I dropped the bag on the porch and slid the key into the lock, quickly turning it, and pushed the door inward.

“Go ahead and go potty, sweetheart,” I say. “I just have to go get our bags. Don't leave the house.”

“Okay, mama.”

Grayson raced off toward the bathroom as I went back out to get our stuff. Two trips later, I had all of our bags sitting in the foyer, and closed the door, making sure to lock it behind me. Back in a big city like San Diego, I didn't have the luxury of not having to worry about whether or not my doors were locked, like I could in a place like Castle Creek.

I leaned against the door and sighed, running my hands over my face, trying to banish all of the thought and emotion thinking about home – and the Walker boys in particular – brought to mind.

“Mama, I'm hungry.”

I pulled my hands away and give Grayson as big of a smile as I could muster. I led him into the kitchen and dug some peanut butter crackers out of the pantry. He smiled as I lifted him up and onto one of the stools that sat at the center island in our large kitchen. Opening the box, Grayson grinned as he dug in, happily munching away on his crackers.

“We'll order a pizza for dinner tonight, okay?” I asked.

“Hooray!” he cheered.

I sat down on a stool next to him and popped a couple of crackers into my mouth.

“Mama sad?”