“I'm not sure right now, baby,” I said.
I nodded. “I miss them too.”
Maybe, my penance in life for what I did to Chris was to spend it miserable and lonely. Maybe, for my sins, I was condemned to a life spent alone, but that shouldn't be my little boy's fate. My precious little boy. He should be surrounded by people who love him. Adore him. Fawn all over him. He should be made to feel as special and amazing as he is.
I just didn't know whether the right place for that is here or in Colorado. Honestly, I didn't even know where the right place for me was. I pretty much felt like I didn't belong anyplace, to be perfectly honest.
“Go play in your room, honey,” I said. “I just need to call for the pizza. It should be here soon.”
Grayson looked at me with those wide, brown eyes for a long moment, before he nodded and shuffled away. He looked sad and it broke my heart. He shouldn't ever be made to feel sad. What in the hell was I doing?
As the tears rolled down my cheeks, I struggled to find an answer to that question – and kept coming up empty.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
GABE
My driver dropped me off outside Hadley's home in San Diego. I hadn't bothered to tell anybody back home that I was leaving – and hadn't told Hadley I was coming. The idea literally came about on the spur of the moment, as soon as I'd heard she left Castle Creek. I'd tried to give her some space after what had happened. I figured she needed to cool off after what I assumed was a drunken mistake. It was only after the fact that I found out from her mother that she'd packed her bags and left. On a whim, she was gone. Just like that.
I knew that I'd fucked up pretty badly. Again. This time, though, I wasn't about to let her run away from me Not without me putting up a fight. I walked up the short staircase that led to the porch, walked to the front door of her house, and rang the doorbell. My heart ra
ced, and my palms grew sweaty as I stood there, trying to come up with the words I wanted to say to her.
I wanted Hadley back in my life. I wanted her to be mine. More than that, though, I wanted Grayson to know me – and everybody else I considered family. I knew he would benefit from having some strong male role models in his life. I just needed to convince Hadley.
My heart swelled with I saw Hadley peek out the window beside the door. I gave her a small wave when I caught sight of her, but she looked almost panic-stricken. I was half-afraid she wasn't going to open the door. After a few long seconds though, she did.
My pulse rose as I stared at her. She was in a pink and white floral sundress with a halter-style top. A pink bow cinched her waist, giving her the perfect hourglass figure. Her blue eyes reminded me of the ocean, deep and swirling with so much emotion. Her lips were painted pink but were pulled down at the corners as she frowned at me.
“Gabe? What are you doing here?” she asked.
“I'm here to see you,” I said. “And Grayson.”
She looked over her shoulder, and I caught a glimpse of the little guy in the living room. He was playing with some Hot Wheels, like usual. Seeing how much he loved his cars made me smile because it reminded me that his daddy loved his toy cars too, all those years ago. I smiled wider when he looked up and saw me, waving at him from the entrance way.
“Gabe!” Grayson shouted, hurrying down to the doorway.
“Hey, little man,” I said.
I knelt down to his level and hugged the boy tightly. When he was in my arms, I had to admit, it just felt right. Though maybe not by blood, he was still family, and I loved him more than words could possibly describe.
“What are you doing here?” he asked.
“I came to see you,” I said, tapping him on the nose as I stood up. “And your mom, of course.”
Hadley ran her hand through Grayson's hair, not saying a word. She just stared at me, her body stiff, her eyes narrowed, and her jaw clenched. Clearly, she was less than pleased to see me darkening her doorstep.
“Honey, why don't you go and play, and let mommy catch up with Gabe for a bit?”
Grayson groaned. “But I wanna see him too.”
“Don't worry,” I said. “I'm planning on being around for a little while. Maybe we could go to the zoo tomorrow? I've heard the San Diego Zoo is one of the best in the world.”
Grayson's eyes got wider than dinner plates, and Hadley started to say something – likely to scold me for making such a promise – but Grayson was already jumping for joy.
“Yess!” he said.
He went back into the house with a big, goofy smile on his face, and Hadley shut the door most of the way behind her, stepping out onto the porch with me. Her expression completely changed the moment Grayson was gone. The pleasant smile was gone, like it had never been, and she was pointing a finger in my face.