“Well, how late are you?” she asked softly.
I did the math in my head. “A week,” I replied. “Give or take a few days.”
She nodded. “Alright. Well, that doesn't mean anything. You might just be a little late. It's scary, but it happens,” she said. “Are you on the pill?”
“IUD, remember?”
“Oh yeah, but still just as good. I'm sure you're fine,” she said. “We'll pick up one of those pregnancy tests and just ease your mind, okay? I bet it's probably stress or something like that though.”
I nodded. My pulse was still racing, but she had a point. I had an IUD. I was safe. These things happened, and I was probably just late. Still, better to be safe than sorry.
***
“I'm pregnant,” I said. “I. Am. Pregnant.”
I stared at myself and practiced those simple words over and over in front of a mirror. Things hadn't gone as planned, and the tests came back positive. I even verified it with my doctor, just to be sure that the stupid drug store tests weren't defective – even though I'd taken about fifty of them over the last few days. All of them positive. I wasn't sure how this could be happening to me.
My IUD had apparently fallen out somewhere along the way. There was no sign of it inside of me anywhere. No harm done to my insides either. It had simply, just fallen out. Vanished like it had never been. It wasn't a common occurrence. In fact, it rarely happened at all. It had happened to me though. Right when I was in the middle of sleeping with four different men and trying to finish college, so I no longer had to rely on one of them just to survive.
Now, all of that – my future – hung in the balance. I wasn't sure where this left me. Where it left any of us. Jude wasn't the type of guy to throw me out on the street, I knew that. However, if it wasn't his kid, what did that mean for us when the baby was born? Would Jude and I split up? Would Nathaniel, Dominic or Zane want to raise a child with me? Nathaniel, maybe. Dominic would care for the child, and probably me as well. Zane would handle his responsibilities.
I knew the second I got the positive results that I didn't want to lose any of them. Especially not Jude. Things were still new between us, but the merest thought of losing him nearly killed me. I couldn't lose him. Please, God, I begged. Let this be his baby.
The front door opened and closed, and even though I was expecting Jude to come home, I jumped anyway. My heart raced, and I had to focus on my breathing. I needed to not panic or freak out when I told him that I was pregnant. Kn
owing those words would be coming out of my mouth – and not knowing how they'd be taken by Jude – was tearing me apart inside.
I let out a silent breath and told myself that I was strong. That I could do this. That I'd get through this and survive – no matter what.
“Ember?” Jude called up the stairs.
“I'm in your bedroom,” I said.
My voice cracked and wavered, but only a tiny bit. His footsteps echoed through the house, and I counted each and every step of his until he reached the top. When he approached the landing, I heard him turn toward the bedroom, his footsteps drawing ever nearer.
He entered the bedroom while I was still facing the mirror, staring at my reflection.
“Everything okay, love?” he asked.
He walked over to me and wrapped his big, strong arms around my waist, pulling me into him. Closing my eyes, I leaned back and relaxed into his body, feeling like I was in heaven simply because I was in his arms. For a second, I forgot about the news I had to break to him. As soon as I remembered though, I started trembling and tears welled up in my eyes.
“Ember?” he asked, his voice filled with concern. “What is it?”
He turned me around to face him, staring deep into my eyes. Those sweet, deep blue eyes. He loved me so much that he'd never leave me – right? Even if it meant raising another man's child? I didn't want to say anything. Didn't want to risk losing what I had. What we shared.
But, I knew I couldn't keep it a secret. Knew I had to tell him – and it was killing me a little more with each passing moment.
“I have something to tell you,” I said, my voice slow and halting.
I stroked his tie, trying to avoid his gaze. His eyes narrowed, and he looked at me with an expression that was more worried than anything. I just needed to spit the words out.
I cleared my throat and inhaled the cool morning air, letting it out slowly as I tried to keep hold of my nerve. My composure. My dignity.
“Jude,” I finally said, surprised at how clear and strong my voice was. “I took a pregnancy test. Several in fact, and I'm –”
Before I could finish, his entire face changed. It was like someone had lit a candle behind his eyes, letting them glow and sparkle from within. His hands on my arms tightened as he pulled me in close, hugging me tightly to his chest.
I stared up at him and finished what I was trying to say, “I'm pregnant, Jude.”