The Better Brother

I stood there for another few seconds, just staring into her eyes and silently begging her to understand. She didn’t. Instead, she looked away, and I crumbled.

With a nod, I turned toward the door. My heart felt heavy as I took my first step forward.

“Take that with you,” Julie said firmly. “Whatever it is.”

When I turned around, she was pointing at the box I’d laid down earlier. I’d all but forgotten about that damn Christmas tree. I hurried over to pick it up, and then I practically ran out of the front door without a word.

I couldn’t have said anything if I’d wanted to. My throat was tight, and my eyes burned with repressed tears. As I drove home, I finally let the first one fall. I’d never hated myself more than I did right then.

CHAPTER 23

Julie

The second Michael walked out the door, I collapsed in a heap on the floor. All my strength was sapped from my body as tears finally fell from my eyes. I’d been holding them back, determined not to cry in front of Michael. But once he was gone, I couldn’t hold myself together for another second. I sobbed as I hit the floor, a pitiful cry ripped itself free from my chest, and Andrea rushed out of my bedroom.

“Is he gone?” she asked, looking around the room frantically.

All I could do was nod. Andrea ran to me and sat down on the floor beside me. Her arms were around me in an instant, holding me together while I let myself cry everything out. I sobbed and rocked, holding onto Andrea for dear life.

I needed something solid to focus on, something that would keep me grounded while my heart shattered. Andrea was that something. I clung to her arms like they were my own personal lifeline. She held me just as tightly, her head resting gently against my own. She didn’t move an inch as I sobbed, tears pouring uncontrollably down my cheeks.

When Michael first showed up at my door, I couldn’t believe he was there. I was livid. Furious. Then, I remembered that he didn’t know anything. He had no idea about my dinner with Joshua, so he didn’t yet know that I’d found out the truth. He looked so excited when I opened the door. His dark blue eyes were lit up with the smile I knew all too well. My heart ached when I saw him.

It took all my strength not to give in to my feelings. Just looking at him was enough to shake my resolve. I wanted to believe Joshua was lying. I spent all day telling myself it couldn’t be true, that Joshua was just trying to weasel his way back into my life. Deep down, I knew I was lying to myself. Joshua wasn’t lying. Everything he said at dinner was the truth.

Still, when Michael finally admitted it, I was crushed. A part of me had been clinging to the slim possibility that it was all a lie. I was desperate to believe Michael was a good man, the perfect man. I was wrong. Horribly wrong. And for what? What was his end game? Was he trying to humiliate me? Was he using me to get at his brother for something? I just didn’t know. All I knew was that it hurt like hell.

Andrea tightened her grip on me as the sobs finally started to subside. My throat was sore, and my nose was dripping, but I didn’t care. I wanted to get everything out so I could start to make sense of my new situation. If I let my emotions control me, I knew I would never pick myself back up again.

I pulled away from Andrea and sniffed. My face felt disgusting, so I hurried into the bathroom and cleaned myself up. As I stared into the mirror, I told myself to pull it together. I cried. I broke down. Now, I needed to move on. I needed to pick myself up and figure out a way to let go of both Michael and Joshua. For good.

When I walked back out to the living room, Andrea was sitting on the couch. She smiled when she saw me and patted the cushion beside her. I sighed and sank down, letting my head fall back. My entire body felt weak with exhaustion. If it wasn’t for the dull ache in my chest, I could have fallen asleep right there.

“Are you ready to talk about it?” Andrea asked softly.

“How much did you hear?” I asked.

“Pretty much everything,” Andrea said.

I nodded. I knew that would be her answer. When we saw that it was Michael at the door, I ushered Andrea out of the room. She hid in my bedroom to give Michael and

me some space, but I knew it killed her to not be right beside me. If I knew my best friend, she had her ear pressed against the door until the minute Michael left.

“I can’t believe this is happening,” I said, speaking more to myself than to Andrea.

“I’m so sorry,” Andrea said. She put her hand on top of mine and squeezed my fingers. I tried to smile at her, to show how grateful I was that she was there, but I couldn’t. Even my face was exhausted.

“This is insane,” I said. “How did this happen?”

“I don’t know.” Andrea shook her head. “It does seem surreal.”

“It’s beyond surreal,” I said.

“Fucked up,” Andrea said. “Fucked up is the best way to describe this.”

“How could he lie to me?” I asked. My eyes burned with fresh tears, but I blinked them away impatiently. I didn’t want to cry anymore. Not tonight.

“Maybe he thought he was doing the right thing,” Andrea said softly.