The Better Brother

Angrily, I shoved myself up off the bed and began to pace around the room. My head was spinning with thoughts of Michael, and my heart ached from missing him so much. But I refused to let the tears fall. I walked circles around my childhood bedroom until I was certain I could keep my emotions at bay.

Just when I thought I was ready to head back downstairs, the door slowly crept open and Bethany stepped inside. She smiled at me knowingly and sat down on the edge of my bed.

“Talk to me,” she said simply.

I sighed and sat down beside her. She waited patiently until I was ready to unload everything. When I first saw my sister outside, I didn’t want to tell her anything. I just wanted to keep the whole situation a secret. I wanted to bottle everything up and pretend like it didn’t exist until after Christmas. But now that we were alone, I couldn’t stop myself from spewing the entire story.

“Michael is Joshua’s brother,” I said bluntly.

Much like Andrea, Bethany assumed I was kidding. She was shocked. As I told her the rest of the story, she just shook her head from side to side in disbelief. It wasn’t until I was completely done talking that she finally found her voice.

“Well, damn,” Bethany said. “No wonder you look like hell.”

“Thanks,” I snapped.

“Hey,” Bethany said. “Don’t expect me to start lying to you now.”

“I know.” I groaned. “I feel like shit, Beth. I barely slept last night.”

“I can imagine,” Bethany said.

“Michael showed up at my place last night,” I said softly. “He just showed up with what I assume was my Christmas gift. He didn’t even know som

ething was wrong until I told him about dinner with Joshua.”

“How did that end?” Bethany asked.

“With us both yelling,” I said. “Then, I kicked him out and spent the rest of the night drinking with Andrea.”

“Sounds healthy,” Bethany said with a laugh.

I laughed with her, feeling relief flood my body. I hadn’t laughed much lately. It felt amazing to let myself feel something other than confusion and pain.

“I’m sorry,” Bethany said. “You don’t deserve this. Any of it.”

“I just thought we had something real,” I said softly. “Michael and me, I mean. We connected so quickly, you know? It almost felt like…”

“Fate?” Bethany finished for me.

“As pathetic as that sounds,” I said. “Yes, it felt like fate.”

Bethany shrugged. “Well, maybe it was.”

“How?” I asked. “How could it be? After what he did?”

“He lied,” Bethany said with a nod. “But is that really the worst thing you can imagine?”

“It’s not the best,” I said darkly.

“Of course not,” Bethany said. “I’m just saying, Michael isn’t the devil, Julie. He lied because he didn’t know what else to do. He obviously cares about you.”

“I just feel like our entire relationship was built on a lie,” I said. “Like none of it was real.”

“Do you really believe that?” Bethany asked.

I hesitated. My immediate answer was ready and waiting on my lips, but it didn’t feel true. When I thought about all the time I’d spent with Michael, a warm feeling spread throughout my entire body. I could remember the way I felt the first time I saw him, how his dark blue eyes had drawn me in instantly. Our first kiss came flooding back to me, and my stomach clenched with desire at the mere memory.

More still, when I remembered the way Michael looked at me as we stood in front of that huge Christmas tree in the middle of the town square, I knew his feelings were real.