I figured that going to the club for a little bit couldn't be much worse than the speed dating event she'd dragged me to. I still couldn't stop cringing at how the guy I'd been paired up with—Harry or Jerry or something like that—ogled my tits all night, eventually asking if he could touch them to “see if they're real.” The mere thought of that creep made me shudder even still.
“Yay!” she exclaimed. “It's going to be awesome, girl. I'm telling you.”
Lila quickly started digging through my luggage, tossing things on the bed until she pulled out a dress, one I'd brought a long time ago because she'd talked me into it. It was a slinky black number with a lower neckline than I was used to or comfortable with, which explained why I'd never worn it. She threw it at me and commanded me to wear it, giving me little choice in the manner.
Lila also did my hair and makeup, chattering away excitedly the whole time. After she was done with me, I'd wiped most of the makeup off in the bathroom because it was too heavy, and I looked nothing like myself, but overall, her little makeover looked good.
My auburn hair fell in soft waves over my shoulders, giving me what I called “Cosmo hair” because it was bouncy and had body to it, just like the models on those fashion magazines Lila loved to read. My lips were a nice, rich shade of red, which paired nicely with my alabaster skin. Lila also managed to bring out the blue in eyes with thick, long lashes that made them seem to pop.
“Beautiful! When Gavin sees you, he's going to want to bang your pretty little brains out,” Lila said.
Her phrasing made my stomach do flips and turns like I was riding a roller coaster, but I had to admit—I looked pretty dang good. Not that I expected to lose my virginity or anything just because we went to the club. As I looked in the mirror, though, and thought about Gavin—and then thought about the entire purpose of cruises like this—I started to have doubts. I had to fight off a wave of nausea that rose up from deep within me.
“I'm not sure…”
Lila stopped me before I could finish my thought, brushing off my words with a wave of her hand. She took my hands in hers and looked deeply into my eyes.
“You're allowed to have fun, Josie. You're allowed to enjoy yourself. And yes, that includes having some amazing, mind-blowing, toe-curling sex,” she said. “There's nothing wrong with a woman enjoying sex. And I have a feeling that you'd really, really enjoy it with Gavin. That man just looks like he knows how to fuck and fuck well.”
I knew she was right, and I wanted to be intimate with men. I wanted a relationship and a family and all that, but my fears and insecurities were holding me back. Every time it got even remotely close, I ran away. And God knew, if push came to shove, I'd probably find a way to run from Gavin too.
I was also battling my own insecurities that rose up like a malignant spirit. All my doubts about myself and the fact that I had no sexual experience made me scared to take a step off the bridge. Although there was a small part of my mind that argued there was only one way to get experience and tried to counsel that even if I sucked in bed, it was a learning experience and I'd never see him again anyway.
“I believe in you, baby doll,” Lila said, smacking my ass playfully. “You're a hot, sexy woman. Now, let's get you laid.”
ooo000ooo
Hedonistic Heaven was dark inside, so dark it took a minute for my eyes to adjust. When they finally did, though, it wasn't what I'd expected. And it wasn't nearly as scary as I thought. I guess I'd been expecting some giant orgy or something, but that turned out to not be the case.
There was a dance floor filled with people, and a bar on one side of us that was filled with couples. The attire of most everybody there was a bit on the skimpy side, though, that was something I'd grown used to on the cruise. But overall it looked like your average club upon first entering it.
I had to admit, I was shocked and even more surprised to find that I was a tad bit disappointed.
Lila and I walked over to the bar, and she ordered us both shots of tequila. I shot her a look, and she smiled.
“Just to loosen you up a bit,” she said. “Take some of the edge off.”
Starting off with tequila seemed dangerous, but I downed the shot alongside my friend anyway. I grimaced as the liquid burned in my throat, moving down into my stomach, making me feel a bit queasy. As the warmth spread throughout my belly, I hurried and sucked on the lime, hoping to drown out, or at last dull the alcohol flavor lingering in my mouth.
“Another?” Lila asked.
“I'm good,” I said, shaking my head and laughing. “I don't want to get wasted.”
“Probably smart,” Lila said, sounding a tad disappointed. “You'd probably like to remember your first time.”
I cringed. As much as I'd love to find a man to hook up with, I knew it wasn't likely going to happen. This was me we were talking about after all, and I wasn't a random hook up kind of a girl. No matter how much Lila—and even part of myself—wanted me to be.
“Wonder where he might be?” Lila said.
She turned her head this way and that, squinting her eyes as she scoured the faces in the crowd. She stood on her tip toes and searched the dance floor for Gavin, but judging by the look on her face, it was obvious she wasn't having much luck.
“Maybe he's already found himself a woman,” I said, shrugging and looking around at the gorgeous, scantily clad women in the club. “I mean, there are a lot to choose from here and he's not a guy who'd have trouble finding one.”
“Probably didn't think we'd come,” she said under her breath. “I knew we should have gotten to the club earlier.”
Then Lila stopped, and I watched a slow, wide smile spread across her face. It was a smile I knew meant just one thing, and I felt
my stomach drop into my shoes. She grabbed my hand and before I could stop her, she was dragging me to the other end of the club.