A baby was something I wanted—someday. A baby was something I wanted when I had a husband and a home of my own. When I had a career. When I was financially secure. A baby wasn't something I wanted right now. Wasn't something I could deal with having right now. As I looked at the stick again, knowing it said I was pregnant, I couldn't stop the feeling of doom and despair from washing over me.
“There's no way I can take care of a child, Lila,” I cried. “I can hardly take care of myself.”
“Sh, sweetie,” she said, stroking my face and wiping away my tears. “We'll figure it out. I promise you that we will figure it out. You're not alone, remember?”
Except, of course, I was alone. She could help me, sure. But, Lila had her own life. Her own career. Her own boyfriend. She had a million different things going on in her own life. The last thing she needed was to be a part-time nanny for my child. A child I didn't want.
Chapter Ten
Josie
“Where are we going?” I groaned. “You know I can't be gone long.”
“It's fine, your sister is with your mom,” Lila said. “And I have your bags packed and ready to go.”
“My bags are packed?” I asked. “What are you talking about?”
“Yes, of course, silly,” she said. “We're going on a babycation. You need to relax before the baby comes.”
A few weeks had passed since I'd discovered I was pregnant. A few weeks since the grim reality of a screwed-up situation settled over me. And while I was still terrified, the idea of having a baby didn't fill me with as much dread as it had that first day. Lila had been working her magic and had me feeling slightly better about things.
My mom still didn't know, even though I was starting to put on some weight, mostly in my stomach. Most of my clothes were from the Goodwill maternity section and I looked like a slob. But, at least it covered my growing belly and breasts. For a little while longer, anyway. I wanted to keep my condition on the downlow until I could tell my mom the news.
By the time the baby arrived, I was hoping to have some money saved up so that we could move to a larger place. But, bills kept on coming and there was never enough money to get ahead. I usually barely had enough just to stay afloat. Lila helped when she could, but I tried not to worry her with my financial issues. I knew she'd feel obligated to help me, and I didn't want her to do that. I didn't want anyone's help. I'd find a way to make this work. I had no idea how in the hell I was going to do it, but I was bound and determined to.
Now, though, she was taking me on a babycation? What in the hell was that? I'd never heard of a babycation before.
I groaned. “Lila, I appreciate it, I really do, but you know I hate when you spend money on me.”
“What are friends for?” she said, smiling at me as we drove into San Diego. “Especially friends with money? Besides, I didn't actually have to pay for this one. I got it complimentary.”
I cocked an eyebrow. “Complimentary?”
“Yeah, from the cruise line. Because I am a valued customer,” she said.
She rifled through her bag until she found what she was looking for. She pulled out an envelope, handing it to me. Confused, I opened it up and read the pamphlet that said she'd won a free cruise for her and a friend—on the same cruise line we were on before.
The same cruise I got knocked up on.
I groaned again. “I can’t, Lila. Not again,” I said. “And especially not pregnant.”
“You hardly look pregnant, Josie,” she said.
“Hardly?” I asked, lifting up my shirt and showcasing my growing belly for her.
“Please, it’s not nearly as big as you seem to think. And besides, it’s not like you go nude anyway,” she shrugged. “No one will be able to tell under your one-piece swimsuit.”
“My swimsuit doesn’t even fit me anymore.”
“We’ll get you another one. They have stores on the boat, remember?”
I did remember. Most of the shops on the boat only seemed to sell itty bitty bikinis, though. They didn’t seem to sell many swimsuits fit for a pregnant chick. By that point, though, it was too late to turn around. Not that Lila would have done so anyway, even if I’d asked. She was bound and determined to take me on this babycation and would probably hog-tie me and throw me in the trunk to make sure I took it.
Maybe she was right, though. Maybe I actually did need a vacation before the baby came. And if push came to shove, I could always hang out in the room with the comfy beds and sleep. Because God knew, I need more sleep than usual these days. Sure
ly, He wouldn’t begrudge a girl for trying to get a little rest.
“You know I’m just going to eat and sleep, right?” I said, cocking an eyebrow at her.