“But what about my dress?” Sydney asked.
“We’ll do both. I promise. Let’s go to the dress store first, then we’ll do the toys. Does that sound good?” I asked.
“Okay,” Daniel said. “But we gotta hurry. I’m already hungry.”
“You are? Man, you can really put away some food,” I said.
“Daddy says I’m growing big and strong,” he said.
“Well, then maybe that’s what happening. Maybe you’ll wake up tomorrow and be taller than me.”
“But you’re really tall,” Sydney giggled.
“And you’re really pretty,” I said.
We weaved in and out of the island shops, and the kids were running in all directions. I had the best time shopping with them, and we were coming out of stores with armloads of stuff. Sydney had a new summer dress and Daniel found a shirt he claimed was just like one his dad had. They got new sandals and some toys for the beach to keep at the house, and we even ducked in to get them some more sunblock and other toiletries I knew they needed.
We piled everything into the cab to get it all back to the house, then we set off for lunch. We found a wonderful little place that served the best fish tacos while sitting on the veranda and watching the waves roll in. Daniel was holding his sister’s hand as they lost themselves in the rhythmic patterns, and I smiled as I watched the two of them bond.
With each passing day, I was becoming more and more attached to them. The day was wonderful and we stayed out so long walking around the island that Kevin beat us back to the house. The kids ran up the stairs and piled into his arms, but the look on his face told me things still weren’t okay.
He looked into my eyes before diverting them quickly and I felt my stomach sink to my toes.
“You guys hungry for dinner?” Kevin asked.
“Yeah. We walked around all day, Daddy,” Sydney said.
“Then you guys are really hungry, huh?” he asked.
“Can we go back to the fish tacos place?” Daniel asked.
“You ate fish tacos?” Kevin asked.
“Yeah. They were awesome, Dad.”
He looked up at me briefly before looking back down at his son.
Suddenly, I didn’t feel as welcome as I had before.
“Then we can go back and have more fish tacos,” Kevin said.
“Yay! Thanks, Daddy,” Sydney said. “We can watch the ocean again. It was so pretty.”
“You can watch the ocean from here you know,” he grinned.
“No. The ocean is for swimming here,” Daniel said. “That ocean is for looking.”
“Oh. Okay. Got it,” Kevin said.
We all piled into a cab and headed back to the restaurant we were at earlier, this time, the kids were squished in between Kevin and me. Instead of sitting beside him like he usually insisted, he was putting space between us. He didn’t sit by me at dinner or try to steal glances like I knew him to do. I didn’t feel his foot creeping closer to mine or anything of the sort. He was present with his children but distant toward me, and I felt myself regretting the decision to stay.
The kids fell asleep getting back home so Kevin and I had to carry them up to their rooms. We tucked them in and I kissed Sydney’s forehead, staring down at her peaceful face. Her grin was contagious, and I felt one slowly crawling across mine.
Until I heard Kevin retreat from the bedroom without me.
Instead of snaking my way into the kitchen and talking, I went straight to my room. I didn’t want to see him or talk with him or interact in any way. If he wanted distance, I would give it to him. I did have a book that needed to be written after all, and I hadn’t touched the damn thing in days.
“Here it goes,” I said with a sigh.