I hung up the phone and cradled Daniel in my arms as he cried into my shirt.
That was the thing about all of this. Daniel was growing closer to me, and Kevin was slipping away. I couldn't imagine the pain he was going through. It was hard to wake up each morning and feel it all again, and Sydney wasn’t even my child. But he had a son who needed him, and he was catatonic.
Sitting on the porch, like Sydney would come swimming in at any moment.
I had no idea what to do. These were not my kids. They were not my family. Kevin was not my husband. And yet, I felt a tug to stay, to get them through this terrible time. To clean up after them and make sure they were okay. To help in whatever way I could to get Sydney back. I had to be there for Daniel. I couldn't leave him when his own father couldn't operate well enough to even take care of himself.
I had to keep a clear head. I couldn’t afford to lose myself in grief. Kevin was slowly doing that, which meant someone had to be here to pull him back. No matter how this panned out, someone had to be clear-headed enough to pull him back from the brink.
To remind him he still had a child that needed him.
I rocked Daniel side-to-side until he fell asleep in my arms. Soft snores broken with wet coughs filled the room, and I stood so I could tuck him into my bed. I wrapped him up tightly and watched him turn over on his side, pulling the comforter up to his chin. It was the only time he looked peaceful anymore. The only time he looked as if things were right with the world. When he was relaxed and sleeping, unaware of the chaos around him. I reached for the remote and turned on the television, hoping it would keep him lulled in a deep trance.
Deep enough to give me time to take care of Kevin.
Walking out of the room, I made my way to the porch. There he sat, in the same suit he’d been wearing for the past four days. The stubble on his face had grown out and he hadn’t bathed in days. I could smell him, even from inside the kitchen. I walked out onto the porch and placed my hands on his shoulders, but instead of flinching, all he did was allow his head to fall back against me.
“What can I do?” I asked.
“Nothing,” he said.
“There’s gotta be something.”
“Just watch Daniel for me.”
“Kevin—”
“I don’t need you to do anything but watch my son,” he said.
“But I want to help. Let me help, Kevin.”
“You are helping,” he said.
He reached his hand up and grasped mine. “You’re here,” he said. “That helps more than you’ll ever know.”
I wrapped my fingers around his hand and squeezed it as hard as I could. His thumb stroked the top of my skin, trying to reassure me, even though I was the one who needed to be strong. I swallowed thickly and gazed out over the ocean, allowing myself to be sucked in by its beauty.
I understood why Kevin was allowing himself to be entranced by it.
It was the only shred of beauty still left on the property.
A knock at the door pulled us both from our trance. Kevin shot up from his seat and tugged me into the house. We went striding down the hallway toward the front door and yanked it open to find two police officers standing on the porch.
“Do you have something?” Kevin asked.
“What is it?” I asked.
“We want to know if you recognize this man,” the officer said.
A picture was held out in front of us and I felt my body go numb. My mind rushed back to the museum.
“That’s him,” I said, breathlessly.
“Who?” Kevin asked. “Who is that?”
“The man that was following us at the museum. The man at the beach that day.”
“So, you have seen him?” the officer asked.