“This is Eli's daughter, yes,” Shawna said, her face suddenly serious. “She's two months old. I've been locked up and clean for her, Eli, but I – I can't do this anymore.”
Shawna carefully handed the baby over to Hannah, which she accepted happily, cooing at the small bundle of joy in her arms. I guess I found Hannah's one weakness – babies. I couldn't bring myself to look at the baby, staring instead at Shawna.
“Are you sure it's – I mean, she's – mine?”
Shawna nodded. “You were the only man I was with back then, Eli,” she said. “Right before – well, you know.”
Right before she went into rehab, is what she couldn't bring herself to say. It wasn't her choice to go, but because her probation required it. Looking at the child, I guess it was a good thing she went. Not just for herself, but for Aubree as well.
My daughter.
My knees went weak at the mere thought of it.
Chuck came up behind me and repeated, “No babies inside the bar,” he growled.
“It's alright,” Shawna said quietly. “I was just leaving.”
She put a diaper bag on the bar and turned, walking toward the door without another word – and without taking the baby back. Hannah was still holding the baby and rushed after her. I hopped over the bar and reached Shawna before she got to the door.
“I can't do this,” Shawna cried, her body trembling.
As I stood there staring at her, completely flabbergasted, Hannah handed the child to me. I took the bundle, and before I even realized what had happened, I was holding the tiny little infant. She was awake now, looking up at me with wide eyes, and started to fuss. I had no idea what to do with a fussing baby, so I rocked her in my arms. Hey, it worked in the movies, I figured maybe it could in real life too.
“You can't just leave her here,” I growled. “I'm not cut out to be a dad –”
“And you think I'm cut out to be a mom?” Shawna said.
She raised her arms and showed off the fresh track marks. I let out a low groan and shook my head.
“I'm dying, Eli. My addiction is killing me,” she said, her voice miserable. “I tried to hold out for her, but I can't. The stress of caring for an infant has made me start using again, just to function, and – she deserves better than that.”
Her eyes filled with tears I was speechless. What in the hell could I say to that?
Hannah spoke softly to Shawna, setting a gentle arm on her shoulder. “Listen, I'm a nurse, maybe there's something –”
“There's nothing anyone can do,” Shawna said. “Just take care of Aubree for me, will you? Be the kind of parent to her I can't be.”
Shawna looked at Hannah, then at me, before turning around and quickly exiting the bar. With the child in my arms, I followed behind, but Hannah grabbed hold of my arm and stopped me.
“What? I can't keep her?” I growled, yanking my arm away from her.
“Eli, if she's your child, you're going to have to man up and be a dad, whether you like it or not,” she said softly. “I'll help you. Until we figure everything out, okay?”
“Figure something out? Like what?” I spat.
Aubree cried in my arms, and Hannah reached for her, speaking to the child in soothing tones. “It's okay, little one,” she whispered, holding her close.
Hannah smiled at the bundle in her arms, and I stood there, transfixed on the two of them. Hannah looked up and caught me staring.
“What?” she asked.
“I just didn't know you were good with babies.”
“I'm a nurse,” she said, rolling her eyes. “I'm around babies and kids a lot.”
Hannah's smile told a deeper story, though. The way her eyes lit up as she stared down at the child. The way Aubree quieted once she was in her arms. She seemed like a natural at it. A pro. A hell of a lot better than I could ever be.
“It's more than just that,” I said.