One More Time

“I can't call in because we're short staffed and I'm still the low guy on the totem pole,” I said.

Being a nurse in a busy, understaffed hospital meant that we rarely got time off. I hadn't built up any sick days yet, having started only two weeks earlier. It was too soon for me to take time off. As much as I wanted to help my brother, I couldn't risk my job to do so.

“I'll figure something out,” he muttered. “I have to.”

“Atta boy, Eli,” I said, standing and putting the dishes in the sink. “There's the responsible adult I've been waiting to hear from.”

Good thing the responsible adult I hoped was in there showed up because I sure as hell didn't knock the girl up and wasn't going to be the sole caretaker of the child. I joined Eli at the table again, and yeah, I'll admit, there was part of me that was bitter about all this. Some small part of me that wanted to slap him for being so stupid.

The fact that he could have been so irresponsible with someone like Shawna, that he allowed this to happen, burned my ass. The fact that he knocked a woman up in the first place, knowing he wasn't cut out for fatherhood, pissed me off even more. It was more than that, but that was the gist of it. The fact that I once had feelings for him was irrelevant. It was the stupidity and irresponsibility of it all.

Riigght, some small irritating voice in the back of my mind mocked me. No jealousy here, nope. Not at all.

His dark eyes met mine, and I felt my insides begin to soften. I knew deep down that I put up this big, bad attitude with him to prevent myself from feeling anything for him. I kept high, thick walls around him because I knew that if I admitted to my feelings, I couldn't trust myself to be around him. And God forbid we did something stupid. Not to mention that he was my stepbrother and what we did years ago had been stupid and wrong on so many levels.

It was a situation that still tormented me in a thousand different ways.

Without realizing what I was doing until I did it, I found myself reaching out. I took his hand in mine. I cringed inwardly, feeling my hardened exterior cracking. Already. So early in the day. I squeezed his hand and he smiled, that cocky, crooked grin that used to get my panties soaking wet. Couldn't deny it still had an effect on me, but I pushed all of the inappropriate and dirty thoughts out of my head. It was a Herculean effort, but I managed by reminding myself that there was a child in the next room, after all.

His child.

“Hannah, I'm sorry –” he started to say.

He stopped just as quickly as he'd started, however. My stepbrother rarely said he was sorry for anything.

“It's okay. You fucked up,” I said, assuming he was apologizing for having a baby dropped on him. “All you can do is make sure you stop screwing up. Be there for your daughter, Eli.”

“That's not what I was apologizing for,” he said under his breath. “But yeah, you're right. Can't do anything about the past, can we?”

His words hung in the air between us, and I found it hard to breathe.

“The past is the past, Eli,” I said at last, looking down at the wood grain of the table. “We can only move forward.”

“I'd really like to move forward, Hannah,” he said. “Especially now that you're back in town –”

“Forward doesn't mean together, Eli,” I said, my throat tightening. “I'm your stepsister, nothing more. We're family and I care about you like I would anyone else in my family, but that's it. That's all it can be.”

I was lying through my teeth and I knew it. It wasn't for Eli's benefit though. It was for mine. I couldn't allow myself to admit that I still cared for him, that I still found him so incredibly sexy and that he was the only man who'd ever made me come during sex. Even after all these years, he was the only partner I'd ever truly enjoyed making love with – and yet, I knew it was wrong.

He was my stepbrother. That was bad enough. Even more than that though, I knew he was bad for me in so many ways.

He was selfish, arrogant, and always put himself first – all things that didn't exactly lend themselves to a happy relationship. Our relationship back in the day had been wild and crazy. I knew, even back then, that it could have torn our family apart. Not that it stopped us.

I knew though, that it still could destroy our family if I didn't put a stop to things. Didn't keep myself in check. I didn't want to lose Eli when things inevitably went south, so it was best for everybody if I kept things at arm’s reach. If I thought of him as I would any other family member. Nothing more.

Eli slumped in the chair, leaning back with his arms crossed in front of him. His face was blank as he stared at me, though the air about him was pouty. Petulant.

“I work a twelve-hour shift, but before I head into work, I'll pick up some more diapers, formula, everything you'll need for the night,” I said. “But you're going to have to figure these things out on your own eventually. I just don't have the time to take you shopping and teach you all of it today.”

“Thanks,” he said softly. “I really do appreciate it.”

Chapter Five

Elijah

“You're one lucky bastard,” Chuck said, shaking his head. “She wouldn't have done that for just anyone, you know. But then, you're Aubrey Soloman's little boy. I keep forgetting.”

I couldn't argue with that. My mom and Diane, the owner's wife, had been close, it was probably the only reason she agreed to watch the munchkin, so I could work.