“Let me know if you need anything,” Harry said.
I nodded and Harry hobbled away, leaning heavily on a curved cane. This town became stranger with each new person I encountered. It was like the entire place had its own heartbeat, completely unique and unlike anything I’d ever experienced.
In a way, it was inspiring, but it was also disconcerting. I’d lived in San Diego for over thirty years. It was odd to be away from the ocean and my previously busy life. I thought again of the email that had driven me so far from my home.
I’m Sarah’s biological father…I want to see her…
I shook my head to clear my thoughts. There wasn’t anything I was looking for in particular, so I just wandered through the store, picking up different books as I moved. Most everything in Harry’s store was old, but seemed to be soaked in history. I found a barely recognizable copy of Gulliver’s Travels that I almost bought, but I thought better of it. I already owned three copies, and there was no reason to add another to my collection.
I continued lingering in the shelves for most of the afternoon. My excitement at finding a bookstore overshadowed my hunger or sense of time. I lost myself in the old books and amazing smells. It wasn’t until I stumbled upon the notebook section that my blood really began to burn with excitement.
The notebooks were the only thing in Harry’s store that looked new. I picked each one up, flipping it open to examine the pages inside. My own notebook wasn’t yet filled, but I couldn’t resist the urge to buy a few more.
After looking for a long time, I picked two. One was a leather-bound journal, tied with a delicate leather string. The other was a typical notebook, bound tightly with lined pages on the inside. I loved them both. As I made my way to the counter, I grabbed a pack of new pens and added that to my stack. Setting them on the counter, I pulled out my wallet and waited to hear the total.
“Just notebooks, huh?” Harry asked.
“Yeah,” I said with a nod. “That’s it for today.”
“Writing a book?” Harry asked. His eyes flickered to my face with interest.
I just shrugged and looked away. My aspirations to become a writer were personal and private. Harry slipped the notebooks and pens into a plastic bag and handed it to me.
“Thirty-two dollars,” he said.
I fished out a few bills and passed them over. Harry fiddled with his register and then stuffed the bills inside. He grabbed my change and counted it out slowly. I could tell from the way his hands shook that he was beginning to feel his age.
“Thank you,” I said when he handed me the change.
“Come back soon,” he said. “You can tell me all about that book you’re pretending not to write.”
I smiled weakly and left, my cheeks burning with embarrassment. Once outside, I checked my phone to see that it was almost dinnertime. I couldn’t believe I’d spent the entire day wandering through Harry’s store, but I was glad I did. For the first time, I found something to distract me from thoughts of Emily.
When I made it back home, the kids were already finishing dinner. I walked over and kissed them each on their heads.
“Already eating?” I asked.
“Sorry,” Emily said. “We tried to wait, but they were hungry.”
“It’s fine,” I said.
“Did you have fun shopping, Dad?” Tommy asked.
“I did.” I smiled. “Did you have fun with Emily today?”
“Yeah,” Tommy said. “We always have fun with Emily.”
Emily smiled at that and busied herself with the dishes. I took the kids upstairs to get them ready for bed. With Emily around, it wasn’t often that I managed my children’s bedtime routine. I hadn’t realized I missed it until I was lying next to Sarah, reading her to sleep.
She fell asleep fast, resting her tiny head on my chest. I kissed her softly and slowly slid out from underneath her. She flopped her head onto her pillow without waking, and I tiptoed back downstairs.
Emily was still cleaning the kitchen so I grabbed my bag from Harry’s and moved toward my study.
“What did you get?” Emily asked. I turned around with a frown. She pointed at the bag in my hand. “At Harry’s. Anything good?”
My frown deepened as Emily searched my face. I could tell she was trying to get to know me better, to get close to me, to figure me out. It angered me in a way that surprised me. I’d been frustrated with myself for my attraction to Emily, but this was the first time I found myself angry with her. She just wouldn’t get the hint.
I didn’t want to know her. I didn’t want to be close to her. I couldn’t risk it.