She forced a laugh, but I knew it was fake. As she turned back to the stove, I began to think something was really wrong. I watched her closely the rest of the morning, searching her face for some hint about what might be bothering her.
“What’s on the agenda for the day?” I asked.
“I thought I’d take the kids to the park,” Emily said. “That way you can get some writing done.”
“Thank you,” I said, beaming. “That would be amazing.”
“Sure,” Emily said with a shrug. She still couldn’t keep a smile on her face for longer than a second at a time.
When she and the kids left, I tried to redirect my attention. Emily obviously didn’t want to talk about it, so there wasn’t anything for me to do. I couldn’t spend the entire day dwelling on her sadness, even if I wanted to.
Instead, I walked into my study and pulled up my chair. As I sat behind my desk, rereading the outline I’d written, I wondered how to start the book. I finally knew exactly what I wanted to write: a children’s book for kids who were grieving.
Tommy and Sarah were my inspiration. The book would be for them and any other kid who needed a little extra help during such emotional times.
The idea was solid, and it struck a strong chord inside me, but every time I tried to write the actual book, I froze. My writer’s block was stronger than ever this morning, and I thought I knew why. No matter how hard I tried to put Emily out of my mind, I simply couldn’t forget the frown that was on her face all morning. It was burned in my mind, haunting me and distracting me from my work.
I sighed and threw my pen onto the desk, closing my notebook and putting my head in my hands. If I couldn’t even get a first draft done, then I had no hope of ever finishing the book. That thought was enough to make me open the notebook again. I reread my outline for the hundredth time, desperately trying to find my inspiration.
As I read over my words, I remembered everything Tommy and Sarah went through in the days and weeks after Telissa’s death. She was sick for so long that they really hadn’t remembered her any other away. Still, her death broke them.
At only six and four, they were too young to fully understand what happened. That was part of why I wanted to write the book, to not only help kids through the difficult times, but also help them understand death in a way that made sense.
My head spun with ideas, and I picked up my pen, turning to a clean page and pressing down on the first line. I wrote as much as I could, but very little came out. My head was still conflicted, shifting between thoughts of Emily and my book. I couldn’t seem to focus on either one for very long. I knew that if I wanted to get any work done, I first had to deal with my Emily problem.
I closed my notebook and leaned back in my chair, focusing my eyes on the ceiling. Thinking about Emily always made me hard with anticipation. Even when I was trying to think of ways to cheer her up, I still found my pants tightening around my groin. Now that I’d had her, I wanted to be with her all the time.
Just this morning, I had daydreamed about fucking her against the kitchen counter. I quickly rid myself of those fantasies when I saw the frown on Emily’s face, but still, her body affected me in ways I couldn’t control.
Sitting at my desk, I thought about being alone with her. I hoped that might help her relax and get back to her old self, but I knew it would take more than just another night in my bedroom. Emily needed something special. She deserved to be treated to a real night out, something that would not only give us a chance to be alone, but give us a chance to talk as well.
I jumped up from my chair and hurried out into the hall. Emily and the kids were still at the park, and the house was silent as I ran toward the front door. I didn’t slow down until I reached Mrs. Johnston’s front porch. I knocked hard on the door and stood back, waiting for her to answer. When she did, she smiled at me kindly and stepped out onto the porch to join me.
“Sean,” she said affectionately. “What can I do for you?”
“I was wondering if you’d be able to watch Tommy and Sarah tonight,” I said. “Emily’s been a little upset lately, and I wanted to do something special for her, to cheer her up.”
“Oh, that’s nice!” Mrs. Johnston said. “She really deserves a night out. She works so hard.”
“She does.” I nodded. “I thought I would take her out, just the two of us. What do you think?”
“Sounds just lovely,” Mrs. Johnston said. “Of course, I’ll watch the kids. I’d love to.”
“Thank you so much!” I said, excitement coursing through my body. “I’ll bring them over later.”
“Sure.” Mrs. Johnston nodded and waved goodbye as I stepped off the porch and walked back to my house.
As I hurried inside, I thought about where to take Emily. I wanted to do something special, which meant something different than our usual forays into town. I didn’t know enough about the surrounding areas to know where to go, so I sat down at my computer and googled a few places. Just as I came up with a plan, Emily and the kids came through the front door.
“Go wash up!” Emily said. “I’ll get lunch started.”
“Okay!” Tommy and Sarah ran upstairs to wash their hands.
With a smile, I walked over to Emily and claimed her attention with a kiss. She looked at me, surprised, but kissed me back. The frown was gone from her face and her mood seemed lifted.
“After lunch, go get dressed,” I said. “Take your time, take a shower, and wear something nice.”
“Why?” Emily asked.