Her Best Men

“Hey,” Bethany said. “Don’t expect me to start lying to you now.”

“I know.” I groaned. “I feel like shit, Beth. I barely slept last night.”

“I can imagine,” Bethany said.

“Michael showed up at my place last night,” I said softly. “He just showed up with what I assume was my Christmas gift. He didn’t even know something was wrong until I told him about dinner with Joshua.”

“How did that end?” Bethany asked.

“With us both yelling,” I said. “Then, I kicked him out and spent the rest of the night drinking with Andrea.”

“Sounds healthy,” Bethany said with a laugh.

I laughed with her, feeling relief flood my body. I hadn’t laughed much lately. It felt amazing to let myself feel something other than confusion and pain.

“I’m sorry,” Bethany said. “You don’t deserve this. Any of it.”

“I just thought we had something real,” I said softly. “Michael and me, I mean. We connected so quickly, you know? It almost felt like…”

“Fate?” Bethany finished for me.

“As pathetic as that sounds,” I said. “Yes, it felt like fate.”

Bethany shrugged. “Well, maybe it was.”

“How?” I asked. “How could it be? After what he did?”

“He lied,” Bethany said with a nod. “But is that really the worst thing you can imagine?”

“It’s not the best,” I said darkly.

“Of course not,” Bethany said. “I’m just saying, Michael isn’t the devil, Julie. He lied because he didn’t know what else to do. He obviously cares about you.”

“I just feel like our entire relationship was built on a lie,” I said. “Like none of it was real.”

“Do you really believe that?” Bethany asked.

I hesitated. My immediate answer was ready and waiting on my lips, but it didn’t feel true. When I thought about all the time I’d spent with Michael, a warm feeling spread throughout my entire body. I could remember the way I felt the first time I saw him, how his dark blue eyes had drawn me in instantly. Our first kiss came flooding back to me, and my stomach clenched with desire at the mere memory.

More still, when I remembered the way Michael looked at me as we stood in front of that huge Christmas tree in the middle of the town square, I knew his feelings were real.

“I don’t know anymore,” I said, defeated.

“Just think about it,” Bethany said gently. “You want to be with him, Jules. It’s written all over your face.”

“Of course, I do,” I admitted. “But what does that matter now? It’s not like we can just snap our fingers and fix everything. It doesn’t work that way.”

“Doesn’t it?” Bethany smiled.

“Beth.”

“It’s a phone call, Julie,” Bethany said. “One phone call. You call him, you talk, and you go from there.”

“What if it doesn’t change anything? What if he tells me it was a setup for whatever fucked up reason he might have?” I asked her.

“I don’t think that’s it, Jules,” Bethany said confidently.

“What makes you say that?”