And as I looked around the table into each of their eyes, it was confirmed. I couldn’t. I’d never be able to choose between any of them which meant I was minutes away from losing all of them. I felt sick.
“You want me to choose,” I said.
“We’re scoping out how you feel,” Jacob said. “That’s all.”
“No. You’re not. You’re wondering who I’m gravitating toward more because you want to figure out which one of you I’m going to choose. And I’m not. I’m not choosing.”
Nick let go of my hand as he leaned back in his chair.
“What do you mean?” Nick asked.
“I mean, I enjoy all of you. You are all so different, and there is something about each of you that makes you special to me. So, I won’t choose. Don’t ask me to” I said.
“Again. Told you,” Tyler said.
“Yeah, yeah. Shut up,” Adam said. “So, there isn’t one of us you’d like to be with more than the others.”
“Nope.”
“And if we try to make you choose, you’re not going to,” Tyler said.
“No. If you make me choose one of you, I’ll choose none of you. Look, I didn’t intend to get involved with any of you, let alone all five of you. This is not something I do, but since I’ve gone ahead and done it, I might as well be completely honest about it. I like being with all of you.”
My eyes looked down to my lap as I drew in a deep breath, trying to find the rest of the words I wanted to say.
“Take your time, beautiful,” Tanner said.
“It’s been a very long time since I’ve felt like this,” I said. “Since I felt wanted and important. I’m needed in all sorts of places. With mom to pay the bills. Here to bartend. But wanted? That’s different.”
Tanner reached over and rubbed my back, tugging a smile across my cheeks.
“See? I enjoy that about you. Your nurturing nature despite the rugged lifestyle you lead,” I said. “And Jacob? You’re so level-headed and protective.”
Jacob smiled and nodded.
“And Adam. You’re rough around all your edges, but you’re fierce. Fiery. You don’t take shit, not even mine. And I need someone like that. I need someone who can call me on my bullshit and make me stay true to myself.”
“You got it,” Adam said.
“And Nick? Your boyish nature? It’s refreshing. You’ve always got a smile on your face, and it’s infectious. You’re more animated, like the lifestyle hasn’t quite tainted you yet. I enjoy that innocence about you.”
“Thanks,” Nick said with a grin.
“And Tyler? You’re quiet and to the point, like Adam, but your protective nature bleeds from you. You can switch on a dime between aggressive and gentle, and it throws me for a loop every single time. And I love it.”
Tyler nodded his head as I rose my gaze to meet Adam’s.
“I’m not choosing,” I said. “And you can’t make me.”
“Well,” Adam said. “There’s only one thing to do now. Tyler?”
I looked over at Tyler as he cleared his throat.
“Tanner and I want to know what you’re doing tomorrow for lunch.”
I felt my heart leap into my throat as I smiled.