“Nick can give you a rundown of all the mistakes he made so you don’t make them,” Adam said.
“Asshole,” Nick said.
“But you guys get where I’m coming from, right? There’s a shootout and I can’t get in touch with any of you to see if you’re okay. Jacob comes wandering into the bar with a black eye. Tyler looks like he got socked by Bigfoot. You guys have to let me in. I’m worried about you.”
“I’m sorry, but the club isn’t any of your business,” Tyler said.
“He’s right,” Adam said. “That’s our thing. That’s us. Our family. Our crew.”
“Surely this doesn’t surprise you,” Jacob said.
“No, it doesn’t surprise me,” I admitted. “It just sucks because I wish you trusted me.”
“It’s got nothing to do with trust,” Nick said.
“Yes, it does. You wouldn’t believe the shit I’ve been privy to over the years at that damn bar. The dirty secrets I’ve come across and the bullshit that’s gone down. You think you guys are protecting me, but you’re not. Keeping me in the dark only disables my ability to help you guys. And I’m a target anyway, with or without you in my life. I’m a bartender at the only bar in Lucas Corner that doesn’t have a gang affiliation. That’s serious,” I said.
“We can’t divulge this kind of information to you,” Tanner said.
“Funny. I actually thought you’d be on my side with this,” I said. “You think I’m going to go off and tell all your secrets, but I’m not. I’d never do that. Not to any other club, but especially not to you guys. That shit is sacred and isn’t to be toyed with.”
“Then you get why we can’t tell you,” Adam said.
“And we don’t think you’re going to blab our shit,” Tyler said. “But we do need to protect you. And we will. No matter what toll that takes on you.”
“So, you’d hurt me to keep me from hurt? That doesn’t sound right,” I said.
“Emma, look at me.”
I raised my eyes to Nick as he reached for my hand.
“You have to trust us. We aren’t intentionally keeping anything from you. It’s for your safety. So that you aren’t a target to our enemies.”
I knew what I had to do. I knew what I could tolerate, and I knew what I couldn’t. And if the decision I was about to make required me to pay back the money they had given me, then so be it. I could stay on at the bar while Lindy ran the store, and I’d get them their money back.
But enough was enough. I couldn’t go through this worry anymore. Especially since it was so distracting.
“If you can’t let me in, then this can’t go on,” I said.
“You’re being unfair, Emma,” Jacob said.
“It is a bunch of bullshit,” Adam said.
“Emma, I get why you’re upset, but you’ve been in this lifestyle since you were a kid. I know you know how this shit rolls. It doesn’t matter how much we trust you, we can’t, and won’t, tell you about club business. That’s not how it works,” Tanner said.
“No, you’ll just use my body and toss money at me to assuage your guilt about it,” I snapped, feeling the hurt curl in my belly.
I was surprised by how easily that statement slipped from my lips. At that moment, I felt more vulnerable than I ever had, but the reaction I got from three of the brothers broke my heart. Adam, Tanner, and Jacob all got up and left the house. I listened to them as they walked out the door as tears crested the rims of my eyes.
“What are you two still doing here?” I asked as I sipped my coffee.
Nick and Tyler looked at one another before they both sighed.
“We’ll tell you what’s going on,” Nick said.
“Kinda wanted to anyway,” Tyler said.
“No,” I said. “That’s a decision all you guys need to agree on. It’s all or nothing with me.”