“Exactly.”
I could feel the excitement buzzing between us. We were watching television and munching on chips while we talked, but we couldn’t wipe the smiles off our faces. The contractor for the loft told me that once his team got started, it would only take about two weeks to get everything settled and ready for me to move in.
Two more weeks and I was out of my bullshit house.
“I talked to the guys,” I said.
“I was hoping you would. How did it go?” Lindy asked.
“Not good. Tyler and Nick were willing to talk to me about what was going on, but that was after Tanner, Adam, and Jacob got up and left.”
“Left where?” she asked.
“My house. They showed up with coffee and doughnuts. And Jacob wasn’t the only one hurt. Adam was limping pretty badly, and Tyler had a massive bruise on his jaw.”
“Shit. They’re really getting roughed up.”
“Yeah. In short, they told me that their club business was none of mine,” I said.
“I’m not sure why that shocks you,” she said.
“I told them I was worried about them. That I gave a damn about them and how they were doing.”
“Wait. You told them you had feelings for them?” she asked.
“I did. I looked them straight in their faces and told them. I said that if they couldn’t let me in, then it meant they weren’t serious about me.”
“You didn’t,” she said.
“I did. You know that ‘none of my business’ shit is just that. Bullshit. There are women all the time who date club members seriously and are privy to a lot of the things that happen. I know there are some things I’ll never be able to know, but there are some things I can know. Like why the hell they look like they’ve been used for target practice.”
“So, what happened?” she asked. “What did they say when you told them all this?”
“I already told you. Three of them got up and left while Tyler and Nick stayed behind,” I said.
“You told them you cared for them, and they still left?” she asked.
“Yeah. Lindy, it felt like I couldn’t breathe. I felt my heart slide to my toes as I watched them walk out. I’d never felt so vulnerable and exposed in all my fucking life.”
“Fuck me, Emma. What the hell have you gotten yourself into?”
“I don’t know. I really don’t. And I don’t know if they’re coming back. Nick and Tyler said they would talk to the others, but I haven’t heard from anyone since yesterday morning.”
“I’m so sorry, Emma. Come here.”
I leaned into my best friend as she wrapped her arms around me. The chips fell to the floor and the television faded into the background. I knew I had so much to be happy about; so much to be thankful for. But even though my soul was on fire with happiness, my heart ached with despair. I missed my boys more than I could stand, and I was pissed that I’d allowed myself to become so vulnerable to them.
“I hope they change their minds, Emma. I really do. Because I know how strong you are, and I know you don’t settle. You’ll walk away from them, and it’ll be their loss. And I know how much it’ll hurt you,” Lindy said.
“I hope they will, too. Because I know what I can handle and what I can’t. And this? Seeing them with bruises and limps they won’t explain? I can’t handle that. I don’t think any woman could.”
“I know I couldn’t,” she said.
“What if they don’t come back, Lindy?”
“Then you’ll always have me. We’ll focus on the store, get you moved into your new place, and we’ll show them exactly what they missed out on because they were assholes,” she said.
“But they’re not assholes,” I said.