“Okay.” I took her hand and led her to the back of the restaurant.
We slipped inside the bathroom, and Sarah quickly disappeared in the first stall. I waited for her right outside, but after five minutes, I was worried.
“Are you okay?” I asked through the stall door.
Sarah sniffed and I pressed my ear closer to the door. It sounded like she was crying, but I couldn’t be sure.
“Sarah,” I said. “Sweetie, why don’t you come on out?”
“I can’t,” she said. Her voice broke, and she sniffed again.
“Come out,” I said gently. “You can tell me what’s wrong. Maybe we can fix it together.”
Sarah slowly unlocked the stall door and stepped out. She looked at me with tears running down her little face. In that moment, she didn’t look five years old. She looked not a day older than two or three. She was just a baby, a little girl who didn’t have a mommy to turn to when she was sad.
The sight of her like that made my heart ache. I reached out for her and she walked straight into my arms, burying her face in my shoulder.
While she cried, I held her tightly, smoothing my hand down her back. Her tears were soaking into my shirt, but I didn’t care. I would have held her all night if it meant she might feel a little better.
When she finally stopped crying enough to sit up, she pulled away from me and wiped her eyes. I grabbed her a tissue off the counter, and she blew her nose. When she was calm enough, I took her tiny hands in my mine, and she lifted her face to meet my eyes.
“What’s the matter, Sarah?” I asked. “Why are you so sad?”
“I’m scared,” she said, her voice weak.
“Of what?” I asked.
“I really like you, Emily,” she said. “But I don’t want you to be my mommy. Even though my mommy died, I still love her a lot.”
“Oh, sweetie,” I said, my heart breaking in my chest. “Come here.”
I hugged her again and held her close for a few seconds. When I pulled away, I smiled at her and moved her hair off her tear-soaked face.
“I would never try to take your mommy’s place,” I said. “Not ever.”
“Really?” Sarah asked.
“You will only ever have one mommy,” I said. “Her memory is something you’ll always have. You’ll carry it with you forever in your heart. No one, not me or anyone else, can ever take that away from you. I would never want to, sweetie. I promise.”
“Does my daddy want you to?” Sarah asked. “Is that why he asked you to come take care of us?”
“No,” I said firmly. “He just needed some extra help. He wouldn’t let anyone take your mommy’s place, not even me. I promise.”
“He wouldn’t?” Sarah asked.
“Never.”
She nodded and wiped her cheeks with her little hands. I waited to see if she had any more questions or wanted to say anything else. I knew Sean would be worried about us. We’d been in the bathroom a long time, and I was sure he saw how upset Sarah was at the table. I knew we should get back soon, but I didn’t want to rush Sarah. It took a lot for her to tell me her fears like this, and I wanted to make sure she was really okay before we went back to the table.
“I’m glad you’re here,” Sarah said. “My daddy is happier when you’re around.”
I blinked. Sarah’s words were nice but also confusing. From what I could tell, Sean was just as distant and cold as ever. If anything, he’d grown colder over the past few days. Still, Sarah seemed certain of her words.
“I’m glad I’m here too,” I said. “You ready to go back out?”
She nodded and I took her hand. We left the bathroom and walked slowly toward the table. When we came into view, Sean’s head snapped up, and he looked from me to Sarah and then back again. I knew he saw the redness of Sarah’s eyes and cheeks, but he didn’t say anything when we sat down. He just looked at me nervously.
“She’s okay,” I whispered so only he could hear. “Just needed a little girl talk, that’s all.”