Besides, she owed Stone an explanation, to verbalize that at least now he knew why a relationship between them was impossible.
Which she could do right now without their going to dinner. So why wasn’t she?
Right or wrong, she was going to dinner with the man she’d fallen asleep and dreamed of the night before.
God help her.
* * *
“Is your mother why you said no to going out with me, Carly?” Stone asked the moment they got into his SUV.
His high-end fancy SUV with leather seats and more gadgets than a spaceship.
“There goes your ego talking again,” she said flippantly, thinking that just the contrast in their vehicles should warn she shouldn’t be with him.
They were as different as day and night.
“You didn’t answer my question.”
“Sure, I did,” she countered, buckling her seat belt over the black trousers and plain rust-colored blouse she’d pulled from the back of her closet. She’d half expected the car to automatically buckle her in.
“Pride isn’t why I’m asking,” he assured her, pushing a button on the dash and starting the vehicle.
But maybe pride was why she felt so inadequate sitting in his “all the bells and whistles” SUV. Ugh. She didn’t like what that said about her.
He punched in some letters she didn’t catch on the GPS on his dashboard. He made sure there weren’t any cars coming, then pulled away from her house and onto the street.
“There’s lots of reasons why I’ve said no.”
“Such as?” He turned the car down a street, then made another quick turn, following the directions from the car’s navigation system.
Carly stared out the window, realized they were headed toward downtown.
“My life is full,” she finally answered.
“Not in a good way.”
Walls shot up and she glared across the car. “That’s a matter of opinion. For the record, I wouldn’t change it.”
Because the only way her life was going to get easier was if something happened to her mother. God forbid. Her mother was everything.
“I understand that…” Stone’s tone softened as he pulled the car into a restaurant parking lot “…but it is unfortunate you live as if you’re a hermit.”
Looking around at his restaurant pick, she realized he’d chosen one she’d mentioned during one of their lunches.
Julio’s. Of all the ones he could have picked, why this one? Totally her fault. She’d been the one to mention Julio’s.
“Don’t pay any attention to what Joyce said.” Or to what she said, because Carly couldn’t believe they were at the restaurant where she’d worked during high school and university. “I think she may just be trying to scope out more work hours.”
Guilt slammed her for suggesting such a falsehood. Joyce wasn’t doing any such thing. Ugh.
He turned the ignition off and turned toward her. “I didn’t get that impression.”
Because he was astute and there hadn’t been any reason for him to get that impression because Joyce was an angel.
Carly reached for the door handle. “Let it go. It’s my choice, Stone, one I am happy to make.”
After all, her mother had always worked hard, had done everything she could to be there for Carly, to provide for her physically and emotionally. All without help from Carly’s father. Carly had no complaints.
She’d had a great childhood where she’d been loved and had loved. That was more than many people ever had.
So what if her twenties had been heavily laden thus far? If Carly was lucky that load would be carried into her thirties, her forties even.
Because she was not ready to let go of her mother.
Some nights, while she worked on her laptop and would get distracted by her mother’s grunts and groans, she’d question that, wondering if, when her mother’s time came, she’d be able to let go, knowing that her mother’s pain had eased and she’d never hurt again. Then Carly would put the thoughts from her head, because she didn’t want to think about when that horrible day arrived and how she’d deal with the loss.
She wasn’t sure she could deal with losing her mother.
As they reached the entrance of the restaurant, he asked, “Do you do anything for fun, Carly?”
“Of course.” But she didn’t look at him.
“Name something.”
“Sitting with my mother.”
“That doesn’t count.”
“It should. There’s no one else I’d rather spend time with.”
“Outside your house,” he redirected his question, “do you do anything for fun?”
“Joyce has already told you that I don’t go anywhere, so that isn’t a fair question.”