Joy lightly massaged his forearm, loving the feel of his corded muscles beneath her fingertips. She suspected her feelings encompassed much more than his body, but wasn’t ready to examine the full scope of them just yet.
“You mind if I ask you something?”
His hand stilled and his heart gave a soft thud beneath her ear. She shifted her head to rest her chin on his chest, waiting for his reply. Subtle tension stole through his body even though he didn’t move a muscle.
“Don’t know until you ask.”
While not particularly encouraging, she forged ahead anyway. “How come you haven’t just sold this place? The land is valuable enough, and that old brick farmhouse is a treasure.”
“I owe more than it’s all worth.”
“How did that happen?” When he noticeably stiffened, she rubbed her hand across his chest and rested it over his heart. “I’m just asking, Logan, not judging.”
An inhale and sigh relaxed his muscles. “Any number of ways. Too much rain, not enough rain. Either makes for a bad harvest.”
“Doesn’t insurance cover that?”
It took longer for him to answer that question. “My dad couldn’t afford the premiums while paying for my mom’s cancer treatments.”
Her hand stilled. “I never knew your mom had been sick.”
“I can’t remember a time she wasn’t. By the third round of chemo, she couldn’t take it anymore. Mentally, or physically.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Dad took out a second mortgage to cover medical bills, and somehow, the bank gave him a third one after she passed. I thought things were okay when I got out of the Army and took the job in Minnesota. I’d sent a lot of my military pay home, and Dad said he was doing good. Obviously, he was lying, and I had no clue. It wasn’t until he died that I found out exactly how bad things were with the back taxes, delinquent fees on the mortgages, and a couple bad years of crop loss.”
“And you had to take it all on by yourself. Do you have any other family? Other than your brother?”
“I have a great aunt and uncle in Pulaski, and a couple cousins, but we’re not close. Other than a text from my cousin Neil a couple times a year, we don’t keep in touch.”
Their choice, or yours? she wondered, sad that he didn’t have that family connection. Her lack of family other than her grandparents was not her choice at all.
“Doesn’t matter, though,” Logan said. “Because none of this is their responsibility anyway. I did what I could for as long as I could, and that’s it. When the bank finally sent the foreclosure notice, it was actually a bit of a relief.”
Emotion roughened his voice at the end. The hint of guilt told her it took a lot to admit that out loud, and for the first time, she could understand a little bit why he’d given up. He’d probably lasted a lot longer than most people would’ve. Certainly his brother—the one person who should share the responsibility—was nowhere to be seen.
“You know, I don’t even like farming.”
“You don’t?”
“The crop part of it, anyway. Too much of a gamble.”
“And what about welding? You prefer that?”
“I don’t know, but at least that was my choice. The farm never was.”
How different things would be right now if he hadn’t felt obligated to keep things going after his father died. Five years ago, he probably could’ve sold the place and covered the debt. Instead, he’d held on and fought to keep it alive.
Whether he realized it or not, that was a choice right there.
Her gut insisted he loved the land, and regret would lay heavy on his conscience when it was gone. The song he’d been working on the morning she’d asked him to pretend to be her fiancé was evidence enough. His deepest emotions came out in his music, though she doubted he fully recognized that truth.
The thought of him losing everything made her heart hurt. For him, and for the possibility of them. He’d once said he stayed for his father, but she suspected his mother’s memory played an equal part in his decision.
Somehow, she had to figure out a way to help without offending his pride, so this time…he’d stay for her.
“Enough about all that,” he said. “I’ve been meaning to ask you, have you ever seen the documentary called Alive Inside?”