I barely recognized myself when he was finished, moving on to my hair. My head in his hands, I let him do the necessary poofing, my head a lovely mass of Lydia Deetz madness when he stepped away.
“Alright, ramblers, let’s get rambling,” he said.
The stage was set and ready to go. Throngs of fans were only increasing as we looked out. My nerves were jacked so high I worried I could die.
“Ready for this?” Thom asked, a hand on my shoulder.
“No, yes, I don’t know.”
“Take your time; you’ll figure out.”
“Okay.”
“You can hold my hand if you want to close your eyes. It won’t be so sad once you’re already sitting down.”
“Yes please,” I said, like an embarrassed kid.
Derek led the way as per normal, Jim and Hank hot on his heels. Adam was not far behind. Hand in hand, I walked out with my friend. Thom dropped me off at my chair before going to his kit.
Finding my cello through the prevailing darkness, I got into position, the cheer of the crowd echoing in my ears like static. Individual voices nested, too impossible to discern.
I reminded myself that this would be my last concert for nine months. Suddenly I felt even more nervous, but I was determined to perform well. I didn’t know what the future would hold once I let Derek in on my little pregnancy secret. All I knew for sure was that right now, I was going to rock it.
The ocean of humanity stretched out in front of the stage unlike anything in my memory. It was almost like it couldn’t be real, my brain searching for something like precedence.
Fear fell, landing somewhere near hell, the intensity reaching the apex and then back again. Everything was surreal and really hurt, like lucid dreaming. Thom counted us in, and we reared up, going off like a bomb in the crowd. The once placid ocean was turning into a dark, raging sea.
The end came with a bang, shaking us to the core. The trembling was not subsiding as I trod the boards. Elated ovations gave a soundtrack to our exit, which took us back down the ramp to the dressing room, flanked by other band members now.
“Hey,” Derek said, finding me in the corner.
“Hi.”
“Everything okay?”
I held out my hand, words not doing justice.
“Ah, the after-show shakes,” he said sagely.
“It happened to you?”
“After my first festival, absolutely. Wacken is awesome but can play merry hell with the
nerves. The numbers just don’t compute at first and the adrenaline can get crazy.”
“Is there anything that will help?”
“Time and experience.”
“Anything more short-term?”
“A hug.”
I put up my arms and he instantly reciprocated. Picking me up like a little kid, he rocked me slowly on the nearest chair as I trembled.
“After-show shakes?” Adam asked.
“Yup.”
“It’ll get better,” he said, a brotherly hand on my shoulder.
I thought about telling Derek right then and there that it wasn’t just after-show jitters that was making me feel like this. I wanted to tell him I had a big secret. But the time and place didn’t seem right, with everyone around, so I shook my head and tried to concentrate on the current reality like everyone else was.
Getting back to myself, I joined the boys getting into the crowd for the rest of the bands, Derek putting me on his shoulders so I could see. The music got into our bones, before we went back into town to hit the night spots, ears still ringing in the most wonderful way.
“I have something to ask you,” Derek said, as we feasted on a nacho grande platter.
“Oh?”
“It’s a very serious question,” he said, drawing all eyes to him.
“O-okay.”
In one swift motion, he was down on one knee, his hand reaching for his pocket as my mind started to become blurred, my heart speeding up. He took my hand and I started to cry, not daring to hope.
“Pauline, it has been a strange and wonderful ride the past few months. No one has ever challenged or inspired me like you. Everything I ever wanted, and everything I ever needed is here. I love you. Will you do me the honor of being my wife?”
So he did feel the same way about me that I did about him! I hadn’t even realized I was his girlfriend, our relationship unconventional to say the very least. Still, I wasn’t about to get hung up on something so inconsequential.
“Yes. Of course. Yes! I love you too.”
There was a round of applause, and not just from our table, as he slipped the ring on my finger and kissed me tender.
“Sorry I didn’t tell you guys,” he said to the others.
“Oh, it’s fine,” Thom said.
“We knew anyway; you didn’t exactly make it secret,” Adam pointed out.
“Well, I have something that’s an even bigger secret, maybe,” I said, deciding there was no time like the present to tell Derek, and hoping he wouldn’t mind that I’d waited this long.