Deacon hadn’t known how much he’d needed that.
He couldn’t quite put his finger on how Grady had so easily become that or what made him so different from others who’d tried to befriend him or the people he’d slowly stopped spending time with since he’d lost Patricia. All he knew was he enjoyed it, that it’d been too long since he’d so naturally had fun or connected with someone, and he was damned grateful for it.
I think you should name the ice cream, he texted, then slipped his phone into his jeans pocket. He was at his granny’s house, and his parents and siblings were there too, his nieces and nephews running around.
“What are you smiling at?” His mama squeezed his shoulder.
He was smiling? He hadn’t noticed he was. “Am I not allowed to smile?” he teased her.
“Just not something I’ve seen too much of lately. Actually, let me rephrase that. It’s not something I’ve seen much of when you don’t realize people are looking. You do real good at faking it when you know they are.”
Well, shit. She had him there. He couldn’t even deny it. “Don’t know why I am, really.” He shrugged.
“Well, it’s a sight for sore eyes. My baby should always smile.”
“My baby should always smile,” his brother, Leroy, mocked. Deacon’s nephew, Little Roy, was laughing in the living room while his mama tickled him.
“Always jealous I’m the favorite,” Deacon teased back.
“I love all my kids the same, and you know it,” their mom replied, playfully adding, “Maybe I love Deke just a little more.”
The three of them laughed, then chatted for a few more minutes before his mom slipped away. A football game was on the television, and they’d come to Granny’s to watch it while snacking on chips, dips, and chicken wings. They did things like this from time to time, mostly to be around Granny.
“Mama’s right. You were grinning,” Leroy said as Deacon took a few steps back to lean against the living-room wall. Granny was on the couch, yelling at the football players as if they could hear her, with Deacon’s dad on one side, his mama now on the other, and his sister, Tasha, in the chair, squeezed in beside her husband. His nieces and nephews were sitting on the floor with Leroy’s wife.
“Again, that a crime now?”
“Nope. Just nice to see.”
“Y’all act like I walk around miserable all the time.” He didn’t. Not really. He laughed when he was supposed to, he visited his family and his granny, and he worked. In the spring and summer, he sold ice cream during movies with goats at Covington Acres. He spent a couple of weekends there serving vanilla ice cream with their apple donuts in the early fall too. Deacon lived his life just fine…though he knew he really didn’t.
“No, not miserable,” Leroy said. “You’re doing real good.”
For some reason, that rubbed him wrong. It sounded like coddling, like he was trying to make Deacon feel something that wasn’t true.
“I miss her,” Leroy added. “No one made you as happy as Patricia did.”
Deacon rubbed a hand over his chest, as if the massage would soothe the ache inside. He didn’t want to talk about Patricia, but that made him feel like shit. But God dammit, he’d felt good, and talking about her made him feel even more alone. “I’m fine.”
“I know. I never said you weren’t. I just… It’s been three years and Macy has this friend…”
Deacon whipped his head toward his brother. He was so shocked he didn’t know what to say. “Are you trying to set me up with your wife’s friend?”
Leroy held his hands up. “It was just a thought. Don’t get upset. She works with Macy, and…she lost her husband too. She’s good people, so we thought—”
“No, thanks, man.”
“She would want you to be happy.”
“I know that. You think I don’t know that? But do I have to date Macy’s friend to be happy?” He knew Leroy had good intentions, but this wasn’t a conversation he wanted to have with his brother or anyone else.
“You’re trippin’, Deke. That’s not what I meant, and you know it.”
He did, but Christ, the thought of going out on a date, of looking for someone with the intent to have a relationship or have sex or whatever it was Leroy was talking about, it made his stomach twist and his chest ache. “I’m not looking to meet someone. If I ever do”—and he couldn’t imagine that happening—“it would have to be something that just…happened.”
“Where? At Sundae’s Best? Or when you go eat dinner alone? Sitting at home every night?”
“That’s enough,” Deacon bit out. He was done with this conversation.
“Shit. I’m sorry. I was trying to help. That smile you had a few minutes ago? I miss seeing that more often. It was the real deal, and whatever caused it, you need more of that in your life.” Without another word, Leroy walked away.