Deacon went to his car and drove to their parents’ house. Tasha and Leroy had ridden together, and the two of them were waiting for him out front when he got there.
Tasha was the first to speak. “You could have told us, Deke.”
“It’s new. I’m still figuring things out.” How did he explain something he didn’t totally understand? He hadn’t been in the closet his whole life. He hadn’t realized he could be attracted to men, but he also didn’t think a straight man could one day wake up and suddenly not be straight anymore—not totally. But Grady had said sexuality could be a spectrum and had thrown words like demisexual and asexual at him. He hadn’t taken the time to look into them, though, because he still didn’t think it mattered to him. All that did was how he felt. “Let’s just go inside.”
His parents were sitting on the couch, waiting for them. The kids and his in-laws weren’t there.
Leroy asked, “Have you always been… I mean, what about Patricia?”
Anger rushed through him, a fist around his throat, nearly strangling him. “What about her? If you’re insinuating that I lied to my wife, that I used her as some kind of beard or that she wasn’t the most important person in my fucking world, this conversation is over.” He’d already been accused of that before. He didn’t need that here.
“Deacon,” his mama said, but he couldn’t look at her.
“Hey, man. I’m not the enemy here. I’m your brother. I’m just trying to understand. It was only Patricia for you, and since she’s been gone, you’ve been different, kept to yourself more. We’ve tried to introduce you to people, and you weren’t having it, and now some guy shows up and suddenly you’re with him? It’s weird. That’s all we’re saying.”
Deacon sighed, walked over to an armchair, and sat down. He wasn’t unreasonable. He could understand where they were coming from. It probably didn’t help that he hadn’t talked to any of them about Grady either, but he’d wanted to protect it. To let himself be happy for the first time in years without all the other shit getting in the way.
Tasha sat beside him, Leroy by their parents.
“He’s a good man,” was the first thing he said. It was important to him that they knew that about Grady. “He didn’t come here to… Hell, I don’t even know what y’all think he came to do. Seduce me and steal Sundae’s Best? He was close with Nathan. They were in the service together. He came because he was lonely, because he needed a friend, and…ugh.” He dropped his head down, rested his elbows on his knees. “Don’t know… I saw myself in him—the loneliness. It felt like he understood me in ways no one else did. I know it sounds crazy. I know it doesn’t make sense, but that’s the only way I know to explain it. And I’m telling you, I know Patty would be okay with it too. I think…I think she’d want it.”
“Oh, Deacon.” Tasha wrapped an arm around him and set her head on his shoulder. “I hate that you’ve felt so alone without her, that there wasn’t more we could do. We’re family.”
“I know.” He turned, kissed the top of her head. “Some things just are the way they are. Doesn’t mean I don’t love you. Doesn’t mean I don’t need you. I just… Christ, I need him too. And that’s scary as shit. My brain keeps telling me all the reasons this is wrong, how it doesn’t make any sense, but right here”—he rubbed a hand over his chest—“it does.”
“You’ve always been led by your heart,” Mama said.
“Patricia used to say that,” Leroy added.
Yeah, yeah she had.
“So, I guess people can think what they want—that I’m gay or bi. They can stick by me or walk away. They can spread their rumors. I get it. We’re a small town. People have known me and Patty all our lives. But it’s not going to change anything.”
Leroy said, “You know we don’t give a shit about that, right? If you’re gay or whatever you decide. It’s…unexpected, something we’re trying to wrap our heads around, but we still love you the same.” His brother wasn’t one for big displays of emotion, so hearing that from him hit Deacon deep.
“You will always be my baby. You know that,” his mom said.
“Thank you,” he replied.
He couldn’t help but notice his father had been quiet. Deacon knew his father, knew he saw masculinity a certain way, and while he’d never heard him be homophobic, he’d never heard him be vocally supportive either. “Pop?”
“I’m not gonna lie to you, son. I’m struggling to understand this. It doesn’t fit to me, how you can spend your life not knowing, or only be interested in women until this man.”