When I looked at Sadie, my worries faded. I watched her be herself completely, without any fear of what anyone else’s opinion of her might be. I wanted that for myself. I wanted to be out from under my father’s shadow, regardless of what the progression of his illness might mean for us, and create my own light. I wanted to be someone that I could be proud of.
“Sadie,” I said, pushing her shoulder gently.
She looked up at me, her hazel eyes bright and her warm hand on my knee. “Yeah? What’s up?”
“I need you to know that I meant what I said—what I feel, I mean,” I said, letting the words tumble from my mouth without much restraint. I wasn’t sure if it made sense, but I needed Sadie to know that it mattered to me. She had changed me, and I never wanted to go back.
“I meant it too,” she smiled softly, leaning into me. “I still mean it now.”
I pressed my lips to hers and something slammed down against the table in front of us. We jumped apart and Alex stood there where he had just put the drink carrier down hard, grinning at the both of us like nothing was wrong. I shook my head, laughing as he sat down.
“Great timing, Alex,” Sadie grumbled, pulling a coffee from the drink holder, and dumping a pack of sugar into the cup.
“You don’t usually take sugar,” I asked, my eyebrows pulled together. I thought about how crazy it was that I knew that about her, how absolutely ridiculous it was that a few weeks ago, we didn’t even know each other at all, and now, I knew how she took her coffee.
Sadie seemed to think the same thing and she gave me a little smile, looking at me warmly. “I need the sugar boost after yesterday, I think. It was a late night.”
I looked at her, sharing a secretive little grin and remembering skin against skin. “Oh, it definitely was.”
“Okay, great.” Alex made a face at us, drinking his coffee and shaking his head like the entire world was against him. “You guys are completely gross now.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Sadie answered him airily, staring out of the window as if the grassy hills were captivating, and watching the world pass by the train with a sweet smile.
“Yeah, we’re just the same as we ever were,” I shrugged casually, sipping at my cappuccino with an air of easygoing happiness.
Alex laughed and made a face. “Yeah well, whatever. You guys look like a married couple and it’s disgusting.”
“You’re just jealous of us,” I grinned, and Sadie nearly choked on her coffee.
“Maybe,” Alex shrugged but he didn’t look too bothered by it. “But I do know a good thing when I see it.”
“Thanks, man,” I nodded at him, feeling a real appreciation for our cameraman for the first time. “Really. For everything, you know?”
“No biggie, really,” Alex told me, lifting his shoulder in a half shrug. “It’s my job.”
The rest of the train ride, Sadie slept soundly on my shoulder, curled into my side like it was normal for her to be there. She fit perfectly there, tucked warmly against me like another limb that I had apparently always been missing. I couldn’t stop looking down at her and taking in her sleeping form. Alex cleared his throat and I looked up from where I had probably looked like a creep staring down at Sadie.
“I told the bigwigs at the studio that my camera wouldn’t work right, and I couldn’t get any footage, but you guys are going to have to give them some story about what happened while you were at her dad’s place,” Alex leaned his elbows against the table. “Probably not everything. They’re going to need something to put on the show though, or they might can you guys from the whole thing.”
“Yeah, yeah, I get it,” I sighed, tapping my foot under the table in worry. “Any ideas then? I’m totally open to any suggestions. You would know this stuff better than I would.”
Alex shook his head, blinking his dark eyes as he thought through it. “I have no idea, man. Maybe just tell them that the baby was born in a rush, unexpectedly, and that will be enough to keep them off your backs. Kids usually take up a lot of time in a family. It’s definitely not a stretch to think that the whole time you guys were at the farm, it was spent with the newborn baby.”
“Actually yeah, that works,” I agreed with him, nodding. I was already thinking through a good, condensed version of what happened on the farm, imagining a more embellished version of the hectic night of little Sammy’s birth and the time after. “Thanks, Alex.”
“Babies make good television, I guess,” Alex yawned, stretching his arms out in front of him. He looked like he wanted to be somewhere else and sleeping.