To open my rosy lips and make things easier for him.
Although I don’t think I needed that. Because I’m already so open, so wet and creamy.
And so he slides inside of me so easily.
Like a dream.
Yet again, I feel very little pain.
There’s soreness from before but it isn’t enough for me to push him away. It isn’t enough for me to tell him to stop.
Besides, if he did, I’d die.
So I bring him even closer and breathe with him.
And as he breathes with me, I promise him — silently, secretly and once again — that I’ll fill his life with so many colors, so much joy, so many dreams that he’ll never be alone.
Even when I’m gone.
I have three brothers and a sister.
Four siblings in total.
People often ask me who my favorite sibling is. It’s a stupid question; I love all my siblings equally. But I don’t stop them if they want to speculate. And according to the most popular of their speculations, it’s Callie.
They say Callie is my favorite sibling among the four.
And Stellan is my favorite brother.
It’s an obvious assumption to make: Callie’s the youngest of us all. She’s my baby sister. I was the first one to hold her in my arms; my mother was resting after a hard delivery and my father was nowhere to be found. He came back a week later to tell us that he was leaving.
So of course Callie is my favorite.
She is my heart. She’s all our hearts actually.
We’ve all loved her, all four of us, since the day she was born.
The other speculation, that Stellan’s my favorite brother, is an obvious one again. Even though he’s eight years younger than me, being three minutes older than Shepard, he’s the next in line.
He’s always been my right hand.
He’s the most similar to me. If I’m not there, he’s in charge. He’s the one running things and the one the rest of them answer to. So again, it’s obvious.
But the truth is that no matter how much I try, I can’t pick a favorite brother.
It’s like picking a favorite organ.
There is no favorite organ. They’re all equally important. They all keep you alive. So my sister might be my — our — heart, but my brothers are an equal part of me.
And right now I want to strangle each one of them.
It’s Saturday and my brothers are all visiting from New York. It was a surprise visit. They called and said that they were at the house while I was out getting groceries.
Although honestly, not as surprising as all that.
Now that Callie’s pregnant, they like to come down as much as their schedules allow. And given how busy their schedules are — Shepard plays for the New York City FC, Ledger just got picked and Stellan is the assistant coach with them — it’s kind of amazing they’re still here every other weekend, a testament to how much we love our sister. How much we want to take care of her and check on her.
And how much we don’t trust Reed fucking Jackson to do it.
How we’re all just waiting for him to screw up like our father screwed up with us.
Although I have to admit that so far he hasn’t. So far he has surprised us. And well, I can personally attest to his great automobile mechanic skills too.
But that’s not the point.
The point is that I’ve just returned from my grocery run and now I’m going to kill my brothers.
The only reason I’m still standing at the door and haven’t made my move yet is because I’m in shock — in fucking shock — at what I’m seeing and I haven’t decided who to go for first.
“Tits,” Ledger says, his eyes flicking back and forth across the TV screen and his thumbs pushing on the buttons of his controller relentlessly. “Definitely tits.”
“What?” Shepard shakes his head, doing the same. “Fuck tits, man. Tits won’t keep you warm on a cold night.”
“Yeah? And an ass will?”
“Uh, yeah. You can fuck an ass.”
Ledger side-eyes Shep. “You can fuck tits too, genius.”
“I know. But a hole is a hole, my friend,” Shep says sagely.
“Right. Whatever.” Ledge shrugs. Then, “Hey, Stellan. Your turn.”
Stellan, who’s been focusing on his book, asks distractedly without lifting his eyes, “My turn at what?”
“To answer the question.”
“What question?”
Ledger shakes his head in exasperation. “Tits or ass. You have to pick one. And that’s all you get for the rest of your life.”
“I pick” – Stellan flips the page – “you both shutting the hell up and leaving me the fuck alone.”
At this, Shep laughs so loudly that he misses the shot and Ledge takes the lead. At least, that’s why I think Ledge is cackling like a dumb witch.
“Leave him alone, Ledge,” Shep says, getting back into the game. “Stella is moping.”