He blows out the candle. His image, reduced to smoke and darkness. He walks back to the statue and prays,
“It’s the end of day, but it feels like dawn...”
Killian
A salty mist sprays the front of Killian’s beard.
Glancing back at the blinded cabin windows, a dread creeps into his heart. Vash hasn’t stepped foot on deck for hours.
It’s like he’s choosing to vanish.
To vanish like her. It would be too easy. The temptation to give up is dangling like a ripe piece of fruit; there will never be a second life for them. Never be a second fucking chance.
Rae was that second life. If she’s gone, they can’t start over. It is an impossible dilemma.
Lucas left. Vash baited him until he couldn’t take any more of it. The pack is slowly disintegrating.
Just like her...
Killian’s reaction is the opposite of the others. He keeps himself out in the open, where others can depend on him. He places himself where he’s needed.
Work and fight until you die.
He has nowhere to hide. Right after he killed his own father, he watched Rae disappear into the planet’s core. It’s impossible to square with. He will always wonder why she did it, why she plugged herself into that thing.
It felt like she was choosing death over a life with them. As fucked up as the world is, Killian was ready to dive into it.
He turns away from the cabin windows. Vash will be all right. He just needs a few days to get back to baseline. Alphas rise above defeat.
On the other end of the dock, Ruby leans against the barricade. Killian fights the urge to say something, but when she notices him, she waves.
“You doing okay?” she asks.
Tenderly, he clears his throat and says, “I’m holding up. Just looking for the next gig. You ever been to this Carabaro place before?”
If they’re coming up on it by water, it’ll be a port town. Lots of jobs there. Things to do. Places to hide.
Ruby presses her lips together and nods. “The only city to beat the New Republic’s naval units. It’s an industrial wasteland.”
Chuckling, Killian grabs the metal barricade and relaxes with the rocky rhythm of the boat. “Then they’re good people.”
She laughs. “The best kind. Fighters.”
They can only smile for so long. The truth and memory of what happened always creeps back. When silence takes over, a smile, and a nod are all he can muster.
Killian stares at the black water. Its body moves like a snake. “There’s nothing out here. For miles upon miles, it’s empty. The sea goes on forever,” he says.
Ruby stands beside him. “Spooky stuff.”
“For me, it’s comforting,” he says. “When you have nothing left to gain, the sea feels like home.”
She faces him, a bemused expression. “You still have something to gain in this. We all still do,” she says.
Killian doesn’t need to be sold an idea. He needs proof that something good can come from years of unrelenting fight.
He asks, “You think she’s still alive? During our first searches with her, I heard rumors from other alphas. Lots of rumors.”
Ruby’s eyes do not waiver. She looks as honest as honest can be. “Yes,” she says. “She’s still alive. Plugged in, maybe. But alive, nonetheless.”